Stress of Bickering
The Small Small Irritating
Arguments
It should come as no
surprise to any of us that the solution to ending bickering in families is to
talk to one another more often without blaming, making judgments, or insulting
one another.
DONALD C. MEDEIROS
Arguments about and
for petty and trivial matters of no importance or consequences or longevity
rather meaningless, sometimes same argument thoughtlessly repeated number of
times that is how I understand bickering, one may or may not agree with this
interpretation. They are not substantive, they are superficial and petty; blame
after blame that does not exist or existed at all. They have no pattern, no
agenda, no sequence, just argument after argument without logic and reasoning,
just beating a wrong bush to prove one’s superiority, often out of context.
Where there is bickering there is no real love or affection, even if, there are
relations.
They can’t yield anything
as the table talk and manners are missing with sweet sips of tea and paused by
the think time bites of biscuits, these are senseless high pitch noises across
the parapet. They produce a spoil of relations occasionally to the point of no
return and waste of time, lot of irritation, negativity, loss of physical and
mental order and energy. Stress is the final cake of the bickering.
Bickering is used by
many to divert attention from the main issue, and majority of such persons are
last word or sentence catchers without understanding the intent and the context:
sometimes they are following their leader who has a purpose other than the
bickering as we see in many legislatures where legislators suppress the voice
of the presiding officer and others by the noise intentionally created and an
adjournment obtained.
Many just jump into
the arguments to help others without any understanding, sometimes to show
emotional solidarity and on the spur of moment decision. There are others who
get trapped by their own utterings in the ongoing mess. This happens in the
cases unconnected with the person concerned like street quarrels and road rage
cases which sometimes have fatal results for persons not party to the initial
drama. This also happens in the relations where bickering is in favour of the
person with whom you are emotionally attached or just for the sack of fun.
Bickering with one’s
spouse particular wife is common throughout the planet, it is my experience
that sometimes it starts from as simple thing as slightly less sugar in one’s
cup of tea or tea is not as hot as it normally is or just a high pitch voice
while asking something. The best solution is, the starter must be the first to
resolve, realize and finish for happy ending. Those who do not do, just for
sake of false ego and linger on sometimes end up with family quarrels, swollen
faces, grave yard silence. Fools reach the level of violence and divorce also.
How to end bickering
particularly in one’s family. Sense and logic must prevail of which first
requirement is silence preferably on both sides otherwise even one party
stopping the arguments would be a good beginning. Let there be cool off period.
Talk to each other sincerely with facts and figures need not solve everything
in a single sitting can have more sittings. Talking to each other often without
teasing or chiding is important. Some relations are traditionally at loggers
head with each other; so such sensible solution are not applicable there:
therefore it is better to separate. In Indian situation relations between
mother-in-law and daughter-in-law (Sas and Bahu) is classic example of chronic unending
bickering from time immemorial where separation of household is soft norm and
old home journey the last and these happen only where oldies are infirm
physically and finanacially.
Bickering has sweet
and soft side also; one may say then it is not bickering it is something else,
yes, then it gives laughter, sweetness, cute and smiling faces, something to
remember and relish. It is leg pulling among friends, brothers and sisters,
family members or coherent groups and indulged in lighter vain and a time pass.
"Silence is never more golden than when a quarrel
is brewing.”
Clifford Adams
“Naklias”
Bickering has
positive and professional version also for the purpose of making people laugh
particularly during marriage at one’s home and other celebrations. Here
bickering is not irritating, it is soothing, pleasing and smiling. Such
professionals in my state of the Punjab are called, “Naklias”. Normally they
are a group of two male persons between
twenties and thirties ; one dressed as female in best of the costumes, jewelry
and make up and many a times they surpass
the looks, mannerism, grace and femininity of a female, the other
well dressed as village youth. There is
no stage or dais. They just intermingle with your family like your own family
members while knowing their position well. They make you laugh by making faces at
you and also by entering into small altercations and bickering with the end
purpose of making some currency notes to fly from your pocket to their wallets. How the notes fly: they please you with the
best of words and gestures and you are so pleased and give them currency notes
as expression your pleasure. They keep the atmosphere charged with laughers and
greetings. They are very quick to understand the relationships at their place
of work and instantly ensure that they are part of your family: they recognize
those who matter and matter most. Quick
to help resolve any bad arguments in the family and always happy to beg pardon
and there is price for every joke: not dictated but they make you to shell out
of your own volition. Some Naklias are so sure of their professional competence
that they do not dictate the contract price for their performance and just want
a permission to accompany the event and say whatever we earn is our luck and
family’s generosity and grace.
In addition to their
usual vocal performance some “Naklias” also keep with them a local folk musical
instrument: “The Tumbi”: it is similar to “EkTara”: “Single sting” instrument.
Naklias, sometimes also entertain their audience with folk songs and “sakhis”
incidents from the life of saints and sages.
No doubt this
profession is dying fast but it is the culture and heritage of the colourful state
of Punjab: the state of Bhangra, laughter, and Giddha.
In the marriage of one
of my younger brother’s Naklias were part of the marriage party: THE BARAT:
made both the parties groom’s and bride’s laugh through the roof and they did
not tell us the minimum they would take, left everything to the generosity of
the family.
I think it's odd
that grown-ups quarrel so easily
and so often and about such petty matters.
Up to now I always
thought bickering was just something children did and that they outgrew it.
Anne Frank
Words there are
aplenty for bickering and hate, whilst words of love come far too slow and
often far too late. Neil George
