Stress of what I could not learn from
my parents and
Joy of what they taught me
Parents are the ultimate role models
for children. Every word, movement and action has effect. No other person or
outside force has greater influence on a child than the parent.
Bob
Keeshan
The
Lord has been great and benevolent that when I was born; had the hands of my
grandparents and parents waiting for my arrival: had the privilege of enjoying
love and affection of both. I remember my grandfather had nick named me as
“Ach” the smaller version of “Achhar” my childhood name and while coming back
from his job in Diwankhanna (Mini
Secretariat of the King) he used to bring without fail for me, “Sangtare Ki Goli” (Orange Candy) still
available in the market if one intends to find: those were days neither of
toffees nor of chocolates as at present, ice-cream too was unknown; however,
the milk ice (Burf as it was called) sold wrapped in warm cloth was a delicacy
available now and then, our “Baba” used to buy for us. “Baba” was fond of “Double Roti” whole bread not sliced as
at present: he used to buy for us from an early morning hawker “Goloo”.
“One
of the greatest titles in the world is a parent, and one of the biggest
blessings in the world is to have parents to call mom and dad.”
– Jim DeMint
My
grandfather a man of happiness: always saw him excited
whenever we visited him, was alive till I was twenty five years of age. He
passed away in a most peaceful manner, he became aware of his end an hour
before he died: no disease etc. he just passed away. This was beginning of the end
of an era in our family. Now nobody left whom to call “Baba”.
My
grandmother was a wonderful cook. Corn maize Chapattis made
by her used to be very soft, yellow in colour and rich in crystalized butter and
the “Whole Moong Dal” a delicacy: which used to thick enough one could eat by
placing it on the chapatti instead in the plate. She used to wait for our visit
and till then she would collect pure yellow cow crystalized butter (Desi Ghee).
She was a highly wrinkled face, lean but always straight in her posture. She
left for her heavenly abode when I was thirty two years old. This closed the
chapter of grandparents “Baba and Bebe” for all of us.
Then
came the darkest night when my father a gem personality and my
shelter, guide and philosopher for all issues and fears; while on a visit to my
place passed in peace away before our eyes and we three brothers although
present then were not aware as to what was happening. His death was confirmed
by one of our friends. It was when I was
in thirty seventh year.
My
mother lived long for about thirty years after the passing
away of my father. God was gracious enough to give me love and affection of my
mother even after I had superannuated from Govt service at the age of sixty: she
went to the Lord at the age of 96 years ten years younger to her mother our
Nani who passed away at the age of 106 years. Her death was the last chapter of
the persons whom we could call “Mom and Dad”, “Bebe and Baiji”.
Obviously
these pious noble souls had overwhelming effect on my
personality, habits and character. I
remember them all with all the respects, regards and humility at my command.
They are in my veins rather in all of us.
When
I opened my eyes to the surroundings, I
had never seen my parents still sleeping in the morning. Both were early
risers and they continued to be so till they departed, grateful to them that I
inherited that habit and till date I have not lost this gem of habits.
Invariably,
in the early morning they were found
attending to those household duties which were hard enough like fetching
water for home either from a nearby community well and subsequently from public
hydrant as piped water came to the city in early sixties only: or washing
clothes a tough job in city of water scarcity or cleaning grains before
grinding etc. Another excellent thing about my parents was, they themselves used
to do all difficult chores early in the morning before children got up. I was
amply blessed with this habit and it helped me during my education days
particularly when I was doing my commerce graduation nature prompted me to take
advantage of this habit of my parents: I used to study in the morning getting
up at about 04.00 A.M. and then doing my lessons.
When
I came to understand the things: I saw my father working as Octroi Muharer
(Clerk) in the Municipal Committee Bathinda; one of the most humble position in
the local body: obviously with the humble wages too. He was a very content person always happy with what Lord showered
on him and never went astray for collecting wealth or earning more or working
outside official working hours. I do not know much about me but I have always
remained within my means and have never bothered as to what others possess.
My
father had postings at different check posts in the city and he was always
happy with his job. He was sometimes given odd duties at odd hours too. I never saw him grumbling about any posting.
Now when I see in retrospective, in my long service of about forty years with
the Government, I enjoyed every posting that came my way. A never requested for
any particular posting. This I owe to his genes and I was known in my office
that he can push on anywhere with anybody, it put me in such a comfortable
position.
During
twenty five years when both of my grandparents were alive, and thereafter also
when my grandmother was alive I never saw my father arguing or replying
back to his parents on any matter, he simply said “yes” to whatever was the
“order”. “Obey” was rule of the home. I do not claim much but still I can say
that I never argued with my father on any matter and it is one great quality
that has got passed on even to the next generation too. It was perhaps in his
genes and blessing too.
My
parents were persons of good health, they had no life style diseases, I
never saw my father ailing except on the last day when he left this planet on
heavenly journey. This also we inherited, however, with the modern life style
we have developed some common diseases, but still even at 77+ I am quite
active. This is my parents’ blessings.
My
mother had good broad physique and was never afraid of hard
labour simply because her parents were farmers with a good number of milch
animals at home so childhood milk was in her veins and bones. Bodily, I did not
inherit that good physique but I did inherit quality of hard labour that stood
me in good stead when I was posted in a supervising position for the first time
in my department.
My
father was a “meet and greet” personality: so known almost to
whole the business community of the town despite he was at a humble position in
the local body. This trait helped me a lot in my official career where I was
known to all the seniors despite they belonged to a different services and this
helped me to tackle many important issues.
Family
is the first school for young children and parents are the powerful models.
Alice Sterling Honig
My
father was a man of humble economic resources and also a man with
no relations as he was the only surviving child of his parents. My grandfather
had a sister but no brother so practically my father was a relation less man
but had lot of confidence in his day to day life. This has taught all of us how
to depend on our own self with effort and resources and seldom depend on
others.
My
father was a person of cool temperament, never reacted even in
times of highest provocation. This excellent quality perhaps none of us
inherited. My mother was slightly aggressive and all of us to some degree or
the other inherited it well, with splashes of cool temperament here and there.
Since
the economic resources in our home were limited, all the facilities and living
necessities were need based. These circumstances made
all of us to learn unknowingly the great principle of “self-denial” which was
most applied by my mother to herself and to a lesser extent to my father as he
was required to go to office and move in the town too in discharge of his
official duties. They tried to provide to all of us what was possible within
the means. This principle has kept all of us away from the vices and the
financial entanglements.
My
mother a pillar of strength to my respected father,
helped family firstly by managing the show within the family resources, she
also supplemented resources of the family by using her talent, skill and learning.
She used to spin cotton and weave cotton carpets too for a price. Her labour
blessed the family with good health and also all the brides that came to our
family helped their respect nuclear families by supplementing their resources
either by earning or managing their households well and it is the blessings of
our parents that none of us went astray as the saying is well earned money
fructifies with flavor and grabbed money destroys everything with pungent foul smell.
My
mother did not know reading and writing however in her old age she had learnt
how to sign when she used to get her family pension. My
father was knowing Punjabi and Urdu languages perhaps without formal education.
Despite this handicap they were fully aware of importance of the education and
gave us all the possible facilities that all of us went to a school, a college
or a training institute and at the same
time they gave us the freedom to do what we could and many could achieve good
heights in their official career.
Do
not handicap your children by making their lives easy. Robert
A. Heinlein
My
parents were persons of simple eating habits: morning breakfast
“Hazari” as it was known to us at that time was that of “missi roti” “Chopri” (breakfast of gram and
wheat chapatti buttered one side) cooked with water on both sides on fire wood,
with homemade pickle of mango or lemon, tea or Lassi sometimes with Thandai a
dry fruit and herbs drink that keeps body cool during summer: lunch of a vegetable,
chapattis and raw onion and dinner with single lentil different variety every
day of course with Tadka and humble homemade Chatni; many a times with seasonal
fruit mango or musk melon. Chapattis were there every time sometimes Tandoori
too. Rice was a delicacy cooked now and then, particularly when some guest was
to come. We are seven; six brothers and one sister and have fundamentally
adopted the same pattern of day to day food. However, times have now changed
for the better with more variety at all the three meals. I am grateful to my
parents that we have maintained three meals a day with almost the same menu
despite a change in the social set up and online availability of food rather junk western and American food.
My
mother was also an excellent cook and addition of love and
affection made her dishes tastier and nutritious. Her dishes were simple,
authentic, nutritious and cost effective too. In our family we were required to
help our mother in her household chores with the result that many of us learnt
how to make chapattis and cook vegetables. I am one of those lucky persons who
know cooking, it is pleasure and hobby too.
Devotion
and dedication to their job and family are the words that can sum up the
personality of my parents. Whatever came their way they managed
it well maintaining their self-respect above everything and exhibiting the same
when need be.
My
greatest regret has been that I could not serve my father the way I wanted
perhaps that is what the will of the Lord was as he went to him before the
prosperity came to us the way we are at present.
“I've learned that regardless of your relationship
with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.”
― Maya Angelou
This
Blog is dedicated to the
Memory
of my grandparents and parent who live in me.
