Stress of Living Without Children
(Part I)
Married life without children is the
day deprived of the Sun’s rays.
Latin Proverb
Once,
I along with a colleague of mine happened to go to the home of my boss, polite,
polished and well behaved enough, two place higher than me in official hierarchy.
It was hot afternoon of June of north India. After exchange of salutations, he-the
boss himself brought for us some cold drinks and snacks in a serving tray. Both
of us felt embarrassed, “You could have told us Sir.” I uttered. While we were
sipping it slowly, my colleague asked the boss, why he brought all that for us himself,
somebody else could have done: your child or maid or servant. Boss simply
replied maid has gone after finishing her routine and the Lord did not bless us with children and he changed the topic
quickly to official matters. This short and curt conversation between us was
enough to understand the sense of pain and deprivation that was going on in the
family rather say in the couple. They wanted, were willing, but not blessed
with. Children are always light bright of a home; many a times they are first
to greet and guest too are first to ask about the welfare and progress of the
children: they are a topic for discussion, laughter, smiles and sweeties: generally
parents have a pride to discuss their achievements and success stories. They
are a re-live of their grand-parents. When the subject is missing there can’t
be any discussion, praise or otherwise.
Elder
brother of the boss had a daughter and a son, both good were at studies;
daughter is now a Doctor and boy a Professor; both well placed in life: boss
was very proud of them: still to have your own children is something different
and satisfying too. A child on the
threshold of a home in evening waiting to receive his father and mother is a
pleasure extreme always and a stress buster when you are encircled by issues.
A
home without children looks like a haunted house during the day
and more so at night, particularly when the night is at its youth: and if you
happen to lose your sleep at that time, there is nobody to listen to your hiss
or voice of pain or uneasiness of breath. It is dark with different voices of
reptiles and insects also sometimes.
A
man is born generally to become a father, but he can’t become
father as and when he likes and so a girl rather a bride can’t bear children
when she likes, the nature has given a specific time frame when humans can conceive
so go with the nature and reap the fruit: however, exceptions are always there
as the freaks and miracles are. Best time is as soon you get married, enjoy the
nature, love, affection, new life, relations, relationships and sex too and be
a party to the party times. More you delay more are the chances to suffer as in
the modern times people like to enjoy rather allowing nature to play its own role.
Despite all this grant of status as a parent to the couple is still with the
Lord. Youth is the Bloom and Spring of human life; so let it operate in a
natural way and be blessed to enjoy the laughter and smile while the infant is
awake and sleeping too: those small, round, pinkish cheeks would remain there
for few months, slowly they would become wheatish perhaps dark too. It is
pleasure to see when an infant moves his legs like cycling. His cry has its own
charm, shrill, soft and sobbing. The place is always vibrant and full of
activity positive and pure where children are there. It is a wonderful period
to see a child to learn speaking her mother tongue. Those are the special words
and special tones sometimes remembered for life time. Pronunciation does not
matter, sense is always understood. When child utter a slang for his mother, “Maa”
or something else it is time to celebrate. With child birth a mother is also
born. It is great pleasure to have somebody who says you “Maa” or for that
matter, “Papa”. This little angel is always a cementing factor, a turning point
in troubled marriages and couples.
One
of the greatest titles in the world is parent, and one of the biggest blessings
in the world is to have parents to call mom and dad. Jim
Demint
It
is a great pleasure to carry a child in your arms,
sometimes it is once in life time wonder: second times we meet him when he is
grown up and now you can huge and bless him when he touches your feet or you
regret when he just passes by your side without even recognizing you.
Without kids tomorrow wouldn’t be worth
the wait and yesterday would not be worth remembering.
Anonymous
About
forty five years back a young boy entered my room in office, his eyes appeared red
as if with anger, I being a senior sensed this, made him to sit comfortably in
front of me and offered him a glass of and cup of tea also. After he had finished
I asked him what brought him to my room. He wanted an official work to be done
for him which was earlier refused to him by my senior, I asked for the
prescribed fee and got it deposited in the treasury and gave him the receipt.
He was astonished and said, “Is it over Sir”. I replied, “Yes it is over and
you will have the action on the appointed day.” This incident made him my
friend for life. In the meantime he married his love and they were a beautiful
couple and still continue to be. After a year or so he met me again in the
corridor and I happened to ask the progress on marriage front and he replied we
want to enjoy for some time more. After similar answers for three four years,
once I told him be quick otherwise it would be too late. Perhaps he did not pay
any heed and there was a long gap in between; when I spotted him in the office
corridor and repeated the same question. He had no words to answers but his
eyes were speaking the truth that they were still a childless couple and were
undergoing treatment in a reputed hospital. His face was speaking about the
stress and worry, they were passing through. It was only after twelve years of marriage that they were blessed with
a girl child: the Doll. She is now more than thirty still unmarried,
despite advice of her parents for marriage; perhaps she wants to have career of
her choice which is evading her again and again.
If I have no children
what would be the point of living.
Sheena Easton
We
were living in a rented accommodation when one day my Landlord asked me to vacate
and before I could say something he himself said that he had already arranged
an alternative accommodation for us in the neighbourhood. Soon we shifted to
the new accommodation, neat and clean but sleepy and orderly: everything in
place. Before our family could settle in a week or so, we came to know that our new Landlord was a
childless couple: as they were old enough and had tried everything possible,
had reconciled to their fate that they have to remain like that only. In a few
days we discovered that they developed like, love and affection for our child
who sometimes used to play in their portion and we were not worried about any
of his needs when he was with them. One day it so happened that our little
master developed some discomfort and both of us were unable to locate and he
continued to cry at the top of his voice: he was perhaps more than a year at
that time. After our persistent efforts he uttered a few words and we were able
make out as if he is saying “I want a sweet parantha from Aunti (as the
landlady used to be addressed by all of us)”. It was almost mid night and both
of us were hesitant to knock at their door so late at night, any way my wife
gathered courage and knocked. Fortunately, “Aunti” as she used to be addressed,
responded and she came out and asked what she can do to comfort the boy: request
was made: she was so pleased to carry out that those feeling on the face of Aunti
can’t be explained in words: her face was bubbling and extra-ordinarily glowing,
she felt so amused that at least there is child who is asking for a “Parantha”
made by her. The baby had the parantha to his fill and thereafter slept peaceful
and this made my landlady “Paranthewali
Aunti” forever for us and this cemented that the bonds between two families
that remained there till both the Landlord and Landlady left for their heavenly
abode. In fact, the couple had place
in their heart for a child that never came and my son provided them temporarily
a sense of having that place filled.
There is unique Pain
that comes from preparing a place in
your Heart
for a child that never comes.
David Platt
Childless people are always expected to
explain themselves, although it would never occur to anyone to ask a woman why
she became a mother.
Elisabeth Badinter
