Stress of Living Alone in Old Age

 

                Stress of Living Alone in Old Age

 

Nobody should be alone in their old age, he thought.

Ernest Hemingway

 

Journey of life is wonderful: nobody knows when it begins and would end: these secrets have perhaps been kept by the Lord with himself to provide those who are born a feeling, motivation, inspiration and  a goal that they would remain here forever. Had it not been so people would have been different in their behavior, living, working, romance and thoughts too. Human beings are thankful to the Lord for such a beautiful concept although everybody knows that this is false and the reality is that everybody has to move out of this place when his turn comes that would come unexpected and unknown generally.

 

Despite the above, we through all pass the different phases of life and normally do what is required to be done during that phase: always wanting to be enjoying and comfortable. Then comes the last phase: by when we have mostly finished the responsibilities imposed, obtained whatever we could obtain and done what was in our capabilities. Children are settled some near and others faraway some care and some do not bother; some live with us and others keep us away: oldie couples lives as couple till the Lord obliterates one of them but the life goes on, smooth or rough that is law of nature true and hard.

 

With many there are no aim and goals, just have the meals and pass the day: even others a majority browsing, WhatsApp, TV, Newspaper its prevalence has decreased, walking, gossip in the neighbourhood park are the routine nothing fruitful or objective: but still it is good time pass without stress. But what fruitful can be done: apparently nothing solid and specific except in few exceptional cases. However some people devote themselves to social service, Holy Scriptures, lectures about life and personal experience to relieve others of agony and stress.

 

The problem arise when in couple that was living alone, suddenly one out of the couple goes to the abode of the Lord, children are far away or do not care: how to pass the time.

 

The supreme happiness of life consists in the conviction that one is loved.

                                                                               Victor Hugo

 

Previously joint families and even the families of ancestors far apart, were there to look after such oldies, meals were not a problem it was anywhere with anyone in the native places since one was known to whole of the agglomeration but now it is an era when nuclear families are order of the day and nobody is ready to take the uncalled for responsibility. A guest for a day or so is alright but not thereafter.

 

The above and such similar circumstances have made some of the oldies both male and female bold enough and they proceed to have a partner: such an arrangement solemnized or otherwise provide immediate reason to enjoy life and carry on: may be criticized by family or the society. Such arrangement since they are need based and between the persons who have seen and experienced full and rich life are successful as the physical needs are limited and means are sufficient. Both have their good and bitter experiences and enough time to share with each other and enjoy the dinner with dreams and drinks too. Life becomes smooth and soothing too. Such relationships are based on communication rather than on assumptions and arithmetic of such mature love relationships is, one plus one is everything and two minus one is nothing. Many a times such union end only when one has shifted to His abode.

 

There are others who are not bold enough or not ready to face the family and society: not ready to leave the place they lived so long: continue to live with the memories of their partner: adore his face, photos, habits, belongings, feel his presence around and pass on the time engaging themselves earning, honorary, or make themselves socially useful. Time the greatest healer sets the routine for them and they live an engaged life provided they have intellectual and physical assets with them.

 

World has changed so are the oldies and their actions and habits. Old age homes for the poor and uncared for are known for many decades. A few poor and relative less oldies move to these charitable old age homes till they receive the invitation from the Lord.

 

The concept of old age homes have changed for those who have the means. Modern concept is five star old age homes with all the facilities, games, theaters, gyms, spa, doctors, five star meals and dinning, pools, morning walks with mates, yoga, fitness exercises, physiotherapy, clean rooms and clothes, think of a facility it is available but for a price. Oldies are the masters of their own show and the fate and they live life without stress some times better than the time they had spent earlier.

 

One of the olden concepts is that the people go to Varanasi in their last days and wait for the orders of the Lord to enter his abode: belief is by doing so and having cremation at Manikarnkia Ghat they would go to heaven and relieved of the cycle of birth and death. We do not know what happens in the Court of the Lord but people do adopt this course also to spend their last days peacefully: one such institution that serves people in this respect is perhaps the Moksha Bhavan run by Birla Group at Varanasi.

 

It is common to see that in old age people many a times turn back to their father’s family-brothers, sisters, their children and still more seniors, if alive. Initially this looks nice for a few days but in the modern age of independence this is not a desirable arrangement on a long term basis- slowly you would become unwanted and uncared-for. You should do something more than this independently.

 

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared-for, forgotten by everybody, I think this is much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.

                                                                           Mother Teresa

 

Problems arise when one is neither physically fit nor financially well off still one wants to live alone independently in his place more so when children do not look after at all. This is stage when compromise with the circumstances and the nature becomes important. One has to bend and the first bend is before your own ego and attitude; leave it aside; do not expect morality from others; it would be more than sufficient if you are not made to realize the circumstances in which you are: if help comes from any quarter accept it with thanks and grace. Try to be as useful part of the system in which you are as possible; understand you potential and carry on.

 

Life without a partner will be different, but it can still be good.

                                                                          Nancy Goldner

 

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side not only down for the good times but also down through the bad times.

                                                                              Will Smith

 

Ill-treatment of elderly by their own family members is not uncommon. This is perhaps prevalent in all parts of the globe in one form or the other for one reason or the other. However, it is painful to see your off-springs showings you the way out of the home built by you for them alone. But that is the fate and the reality too.

 

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, contains some description of “Thalaikoothal” an inhuman tradition. Thalaikoothal is the traditional practice of senicide (killing of the elderly) or involuntary euthanasia, by their own family members, observed in some parts of southern districts of Tamil Nadu state of India. Various methods are stated to be used for performing “Thalaikoothal” although it is illegal in India. Winner of National Award in 2019, Tamil movie Baaram is based on “thalaikoothal”. It is really shocking that a person’s life becomes so irrelevant to the family and society that it is disposed of at the pleasure and for the benefit of others without any regard to the rights of the victim.

 

O Lord you give life to every being,

Infancy is for parents to enjoy,

Childhood is for us to enjoy,

Youth is for learning,

Manhood is to marry and have off-springs,

Thereafter work day and night ceaselessly,

For children their career, marriage and

Still for children of Children,

Time come for the employer to say Goodbye,

One has grown Old and has to retire,

Old age is to relax and enjoy,

But why some oldies are taken as burden,

Why two chapattis a day looks like a ton to many,

Oldies have to come to you one day,

They leave everything here for others,

They leave even their genes,

O Lord Give them peaceful old age,

If not,

Give them peaceful journey to Your Home.