Stress of what I could not learn from my parents and Joy of what they taught me

 

Stress of what I could not learn from my parents and

Joy of what they taught me

 

Parents are the ultimate role models for children. Every word, movement and action has effect. No other person or outside force has greater influence on a child than the parent.

 Bob Keeshan

 

The Lord has been great and benevolent that when I was born; had the hands of my grandparents and parents waiting for my arrival: had the privilege of enjoying love and affection of both. I remember my grandfather had nick named me as “Ach” the smaller version of “Achhar” my childhood name and while coming back from his job in Diwankhanna (Mini Secretariat of the King) he used to bring without fail for me, “Sangtare Ki Goli” (Orange Candy) still available in the market if one intends to find: those were days neither of toffees nor of chocolates as at present, ice-cream too was unknown; however, the milk ice (Burf as it was called) sold wrapped in warm cloth was a delicacy available now and then, our “Baba” used to buy for us. “Baba” was fond of “Double Roti” whole bread not sliced as at present: he used to buy for us from an early morning hawker “Goloo”.

 

“One of the greatest titles in the world is a parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the world is to have parents to call mom and dad.”

                                                                           – Jim DeMint

 

My grandfather a man of happiness: always saw him excited whenever we visited him, was alive till I was twenty five years of age. He passed away in a most peaceful manner, he became aware of his end an hour before he died: no disease etc. he just passed away. This was beginning of the end of an era in our family. Now nobody left whom to call “Baba”.

                                                                         

My grandmother was a wonderful cook. Corn maize Chapattis made by her used to be very soft, yellow in colour and rich in crystalized butter and the “Whole Moong Dal” a delicacy: which used to thick enough one could eat by placing it on the chapatti instead in the plate. She used to wait for our visit and till then she would collect pure yellow cow crystalized butter (Desi Ghee). She was a highly wrinkled face, lean but always straight in her posture. She left for her heavenly abode when I was thirty two years old. This closed the chapter of grandparents “Baba and Bebe” for all of us.

 

Then came the darkest night when my father a gem personality and my shelter, guide and philosopher for all issues and fears; while on a visit to my place passed in peace away before our eyes and we three brothers although present then were not aware as to what was happening. His death was confirmed by one of our friends.  It was when I was in thirty seventh year.

 

My mother lived long for about thirty years after the passing away of my father. God was gracious enough to give me love and affection of my mother even after I had superannuated from Govt service at the age of sixty: she went to the Lord at the age of 96 years ten years younger to her mother our Nani who passed away at the age of 106 years. Her death was the last chapter of the persons whom we could call “Mom and Dad”, “Bebe and Baiji”.

 

Obviously these pious noble souls had overwhelming effect on my personality, habits and character.  I remember them all with all the respects, regards and humility at my command. They are in my veins rather in all of us.

 

When I opened my eyes to the surroundings, I had never seen my parents still sleeping in the morning. Both were early risers and they continued to be so till they departed, grateful to them that I inherited that habit and till date I have not lost this gem of habits.

 

Invariably, in the early morning they were found attending to those household duties which were hard enough like fetching water for home either from a nearby community well and subsequently from public hydrant as piped water came to the city in early sixties only: or washing clothes a tough job in city of water scarcity or cleaning grains before grinding etc. Another excellent thing about my parents was, they themselves used to do all difficult chores early in the morning before children got up. I was amply blessed with this habit and it helped me during my education days particularly when I was doing my commerce graduation nature prompted me to take advantage of this habit of my parents: I used to study in the morning getting up at about 04.00 A.M. and then doing my lessons. 

 

When I came to understand the things: I saw my father working as Octroi Muharer (Clerk) in the Municipal Committee Bathinda; one of the most humble position in the local body: obviously with the humble wages too. He was a very content person always happy with what Lord showered on him and never went astray for collecting wealth or earning more or working outside official working hours. I do not know much about me but I have always remained within my means and have never bothered as to what others possess.

 

My father had postings at different check posts in the city and he was always happy with his job. He was sometimes given odd duties at odd hours too. I never saw him grumbling about any posting. Now when I see in retrospective, in my long service of about forty years with the Government, I enjoyed every posting that came my way. A never requested for any particular posting. This I owe to his genes and I was known in my office that he can push on anywhere with anybody, it put me in such a comfortable position.

 

During twenty five years when both of my grandparents were alive, and thereafter also when my grandmother was alive  I never saw my father arguing or replying back to his parents on any matter, he simply said “yes” to whatever was the “order”. “Obey” was rule of the home. I do not claim much but still I can say that I never argued with my father on any matter and it is one great quality that has got passed on even to the next generation too. It was perhaps in his genes and blessing too.

 

My parents were persons of good health, they had no life style diseases, I never saw my father ailing except on the last day when he left this planet on heavenly journey. This also we inherited, however, with the modern life style we have developed some common diseases, but still even at 77+ I am quite active. This is my parents’ blessings.

 

My mother had good broad physique and was never afraid of hard labour simply because her parents were farmers with a good number of milch animals at home so childhood milk was in her veins and bones. Bodily, I did not inherit that good physique but I did inherit quality of hard labour that stood me in good stead when I was posted in a supervising position for the first time in my department.

 

My father was a “meet and greet” personality: so known almost to whole the business community of the town despite he was at a humble position in the local body. This trait helped me a lot in my official career where I was known to all the seniors despite they belonged to a different services and this helped me to tackle many important issues. 

 

Family is the first school for young children and parents are the powerful models.

                                                                 Alice Sterling Honig

 

My father was a man of humble economic resources and also a man with no relations as he was the only surviving child of his parents. My grandfather had a sister but no brother so practically my father was a relation less man but had lot of confidence in his day to day life. This has taught all of us how to depend on our own self with effort and resources and seldom depend on others.

 

My father was a person of cool temperament, never reacted even in times of highest provocation. This excellent quality perhaps none of us inherited. My mother was slightly aggressive and all of us to some degree or the other inherited it well, with splashes of cool temperament here and there.

 

Since the economic resources in our home were limited, all the facilities and living necessities were need based. These circumstances made all of us to learn unknowingly the great principle of “self-denial” which was most applied by my mother to herself and to a lesser extent to my father as he was required to go to office and move in the town too in discharge of his official duties. They tried to provide to all of us what was possible within the means. This principle has kept all of us away from the vices and the financial entanglements.

 

My mother a pillar of strength to my respected father, helped family firstly by managing the show within the family resources, she also supplemented resources of the family by using her talent, skill and learning. She used to spin cotton and weave cotton carpets too for a price. Her labour blessed the family with good health and also all the brides that came to our family helped their respect nuclear families by supplementing their resources either by earning or managing their households well and it is the blessings of our parents that none of us went astray as the saying is well earned money fructifies with flavor and grabbed money destroys everything with pungent foul smell.

 

My mother did not know reading and writing however in her old age she had learnt how to sign when she used to get her family pension. My father was knowing Punjabi and Urdu languages perhaps without formal education. Despite this handicap they were fully aware of importance of the education and gave us all the possible facilities that all of us went to a school, a college or a training institute  and at the same time they gave us the freedom to do what we could and many could achieve good heights in their official career.

 

        Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.                                                        Robert A. Heinlein

 

My parents were persons of simple eating habits: morning breakfast “Hazari” as it was known to us at that time was that of  “missi roti” “Chopri” (breakfast of gram and wheat chapatti buttered one side) cooked with water on both sides on fire wood, with homemade pickle of mango or lemon, tea or Lassi sometimes with Thandai a dry fruit and herbs drink that keeps body cool during summer: lunch of a vegetable, chapattis and raw onion and dinner with single lentil different variety every day of course with Tadka and humble homemade Chatni; many a times with seasonal fruit mango or musk melon. Chapattis were there every time sometimes Tandoori too. Rice was a delicacy cooked now and then, particularly when some guest was to come. We are seven; six brothers and one sister and have fundamentally adopted the same pattern of day to day food. However, times have now changed for the better with more variety at all the three meals. I am grateful to my parents that we have maintained three meals a day with almost the same menu despite a change in the social set up and online  availability of food rather junk  western and American food.

 

My mother was also an excellent cook and addition of love and affection made her dishes tastier and nutritious. Her dishes were simple, authentic, nutritious and cost effective too. In our family we were required to help our mother in her household chores with the result that many of us learnt how to make chapattis and cook vegetables. I am one of those lucky persons who know cooking, it is pleasure and hobby too.

 

Devotion and dedication to their job and family are the words that can sum up the personality of my parents. Whatever came their way they managed it well maintaining their self-respect above everything and exhibiting the same when need be. 

 

My greatest regret has been that I could not serve my father the way I wanted perhaps that is what the will of the Lord was as he went to him before the prosperity came to us the way we are at present.

 

 “I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.”

                                                                       ― Maya Angelou

 

This Blog is dedicated to the

Memory of my grandparents and parent who live in me.