Stress and Joy of Decisions Not Taken
(Lesson II)
“Life
presents many choices, the choices we make determine our future.”
– Catherine Pulsifer
Once
you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It
was early morning of month of April 1956 may be first week, do not know the
time exactly may be before 05.00 A.M., I was half asleep, but surely one train
used to come to our place from Ambala early morning, I heard voice of my eldest
brother, he had come home by that early morning train, our parents were happy,
there was vibration at home. There was some charisma in my brother; he was a
person who made his presence felt wherever he happened to be. As the morning progressed my brother said he
has come to take me to his place and get me admitted in school there for
further studies. It excited me as that was the capital city of Patiala and was
considered developed, I was perhaps more willing than my parents who had
already willingly agreed.
As
myself and my brother boarded the train the next day sixty six years back,
different flashes were coming to my mind, I was perplexed with the thought of a
new school, new friends, new class the sixth and so on. It was a journey of
about five hours in those days of passenger trains and bus services were
scanty. My sister-in-law liked me, I was a welcome person in the nuclear family
of two persons. However, there was no change in the home we were living in one
room with our parents and my brother was also living in a single room
accommodation that meant everything, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and drawing
room too and some space in the Barsati as was usually known in those days- a
space covered by tin sheets to keep cots and beddings used for sleeping at
night in open. In addition, there were so many persons of our landlord around
and I happened to be youngest, those were the days when families mixed with
each other. It appeared a good environment.
Within
two three days I had new two nickers-half pants, two half sleeve shirts and a
pair of shoes with socks all resembling the uniform of local Cambridge School
although concept of school uniforms had not developed in community schools at
that time. A home-made satchel was also prepared for me. After three-four days
my elder brother took me to the school he had chosen for me. I was dressed in
Cambridge School uniform, it was Shri Sanatan Dharm Sanskrit English High
School (S.D.S.E.) a well-known community school of the town, I was admitted in
Sixth Class no procedures, the teacher just wrote my name in a register and
admission was over, fee was perhaps paid the next day and the teacher asked me
to sit in the class. Sixth was a big class with about seventy students. The jumbo
class room was on the first floor something not available in my previous schools.
When
Independence Day was about to come I was selected as a member of the Nehru
Brigade consisting about 20 smart students. We were given some training as how
to march in parade and given by the school snow white dress - Shirt, Pyajami,
canvas shoes and Nehru cap, for participation in the District Level
Independence Day Celebrations held at Yadvindra Stadium. A big rose flower was
hung on the pocket of each of us by our teacher before the start of the
function. So I participated in those
celebrations witnessed by a few thousand people , it was something new for me
and my brother, he was excited and he received me after the celebrations at the
venue itself.
While
living at the aforesaid place, I used to be go almost regularly to the Punjab
State Library, Children Section and I still remember globe and cut maps were my
favorites. I felt privileged to go there and a feeling that I was different
from others.
When
with my parents, our school was at a walking distance so during recess we
rushed home for refreshment, a culture in those with students in my city
Bathinda. When I came to stay with my brother here the students used to play
during recess or would do their home task in school itself still others enjoyed
small favorites from the street hawkers at the gate of the school. I also
followed my class-mate but slowly my brother used to give me once or twice a
week half anna, anna or a duwani equal to present 1/32, 1/16, 1/8 of a rupee to
enjoy at school, when it was duwani then it was a feast day.
In
seventh, class room was again on the first floor but in the opposite corner of
the building. One day I had come down to take water on the ground floor and was
in the same Cambridge School uniform. As soon as I finished a well-dressed
person asked me in which class I was studying and before I could reply he put
his hand on my shoulder and said let us go to the class. When we entered the
class he was holding my hand and the teacher was astonished, he had a
conversation for a few minutes with the teacher and continued to hold my hand
and after a few minutes he asked me take seat. He was inspector of schools and
it created an impression with teachers as if I was known to him.
In
eighth class we were shifted to main building of the school, thus I had become
a senior student supposed to be more concerned with studies and was selected
for the Principal’s Class in English once a week for two months before the
final examinations free of any additional fee, it was a great thing and there
were some jealous people too, they were astonished as to how I got into
Principal’s class. At that time, eighth was a Board Examination Class. The
teachers helped us a lot to face the examination every teacher every day was
devoting additional time and inspections by the Education Board were quite
frequent. When results were announced I was placed in First Division the
standard for outstanding students in those days of narrative answers not the
objective type questions of the present era.
During
this three years period the family which consisted at the beginning only three
persons including me had blown to six; one baby was added every year and I used
to take care of babies when free after the school and also after doing the home
task, when my Bhabi Sahiban was doing household chores. It was tough job for
her to manage the show, although she was fully devoted hard worker and a homely
person without the touch of modernity at that time. Income of the family had
not increased as much as the needs despite brother had been doing some
additional work also after office hours and also that he got a promotion as
Assistant Draftsman. As such perhaps there was need to reduce the expenditure.
For obvious reasons it was not possible to reduce expenses for the babies they
were so small. Even otherwise our family was not in luxuries it was all necessities
only. So in some calculations it was being suggested obliquely to send me back
to my parents and at the same time since I was brought to his place by my
brother himself it was being suggested that let me complete the schooling which
meant another three years in the school as by then secondary system of
schooling had been introduced. So as a alternative and a midway solution was
thought by somebody after I passed eighth class. I was prompted to appear for
Matriculation Examination of Punjab University, in those days the end of
schooling although Secondary School system had already been introduced so I
joined private coaching classes with other senior members of my brother’s
in-laws family. Thus covering ninth and tenth in one year that too without any
guidance at home or tuition something strenuous. I had no plan except reading
and writing and sometimes cramming too without understanding. I
passed Matriculation in first attempt but in third division i.e. less than 45%
marks and could not clear science subjects and hence the science stream got
blocked forever for me. In addition my schooling ended at eighth class, which
now I feel was greater loss for overall development of my personality and
learning about life but it finished the schooling within one year after passing
eight class. Another ramification of this was that I lost all my school friends
and coaching institute was not a place to develop any friendship. During this
period one more baby joined our family so now we were seven.
After
Matriculation exams I came back to my parents, result was announced later. One
chapter of life thus ended. Every time whether going to brother’s place or
coming back to my parent’s decisions were taken by somebody else not by me
perhaps I was too young to take those decisions but they had an impact on my
growing up, education and personality. Those were the days when even schooling
was considered sufficient, all my seniors in my family and that of in-laws of
my brother had done schooling only nobody had gone beyond. Families were more
or less primitive in nature earning, eating and reproduction was order of the
day with most, higher education and personality development were not common
although known, and not considered important aspect of life. I do not know how
those decisions were taken but they did have an impact on my life and career.
Thus
it was end of my schooling - a mixed blessings era of my life.
“The
hardest decisions in life are not between good and bad or right and wrong, but
between two goods or two rights.”
– Joe Andrew
“Choice
is the basis of every part of your existence, but so is fear. The difference
is, choice creates movement, where fear limits movement.”
– Réné Gaudette
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