Stress and Joy of Generation Gap
(A problem of grandfather and grandson)
(A problem of grandmother and
granddaughter)
(A problem of first and third living generations)
(A problem of a man who is a father and
son too)
Each
generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one went before it
and wiser than the one that comes after it.
George Orwell
I had superannuated from Govt. service and
occasionally for a year or so, used to go to my office to have a chitchat with
my friends who were still in service, with the passage of time all retired and
these visits reduced to a few and far between. On such a “tafrri”, one autumn
morning sometimes long back in April boarded Delhi Metro: as soon as entered
the coach, I was looking for a seat reserved for, “Senior Citizens and
Differently Abled”, people, every coach has eight such seats. Noticed such a
reserved bench for two occupied by a person looking much senior to me in age,
when I reached that seat he welcomed me with a broad smile and soon it
transpired that we were to be together for an hour or so and hence the chat as
usual among the oldies. Passengers were going and coming but we were engrossed
in our discussions : we suddenly noticed that a group of youngsters about
twenty in number had entered our coach with a bang, looking in their teens and
twenties: dressed in their casuals – multicolored T shirts Boo shirts, half
sleeve shirts with pockets, without pockets and with so many pockets too, some
skin tight other loose, some looked new and nice, others worn and knowingly got
torn, some were long enough and others above the navel with deep front and back
cuts – so were their trousers, half pants, nickers, short nickers, very short
nickers, some looked like long under wears, colourful Bermuds some had the
patches and others had cuts perhaps specially made and torn. Some had shirts
too long with bare legs and clumsy foot wears. They all had footwear wonderful
some with V shape chappals others bathroom slippers; still some had sports
shoes but one was certainly having cow-boy high ankles but none with formal polished
shoes. All of them intermingled with each as freely as one can imagine and
perhaps can’t imagine too, hugging, hand shaking, kissing in all its variants,
embracing tight and special as if nobody knew from which side, drinking water,
cola and sharing from the same bottles, chew gum was in every mouth, laughing
and talking loud crispy jokes both universal and adult, as if they were alone
somewhere on a foreigners’ beach in Goa. All of a sudden, I noticed eyes of my
bench mate were red with anger and he was about to speak something: I stopped him from doing anything and asking
them, the youngsters, to behave: somehow or the other he kept quiet. Then I
asked him whether he had been to any movie in his life. He readily said, “Yes”.
As in movie I explained to him, many things are not to one’s taste, still he
continues to sit in the hall. “This is movie alive, Sir, enjoy the fantasy in
all its variety and also what else you can and leave balance to waste.” We had
a hearty laugh: before he started seeing the show as movie alive they had
vanished and the coach had sitting passengers only. Was it a dream or reality,
I do not know: but certainly it was a good display of generation gap. We
realized the time had changed and now nobody bothers about what unknowns or
knowns think about them, their behavior, dress, eating manners and social
decency. So oldies must change with time and adjust their mind set with new
norms, possibility of happening such incidents at home can’t be ruled out that
is the only way to keep away from the unnecessary stress like this. This is society
of humans vibrant, so oldies must try to keep the pace, if not fast enough, let
it be slow but they must move.
Generation
gap is a difference of attitudes, views, opinions, thoughts and current trends
between people of different generations, leading to a lack of understanding,
stress, irritation and sometimes even to family fights or say quarrels. Difference of age and misunderstandings play
their own role. Previously the physical gap between two generations was 15-20
years when man was more concerned about earning and reproduction, then it
changed to 20-25 years when education obtained a place in the life of a human
being and at present it is something between 25 to 30 years as people are now
more concerned about their career as against marriage: this to a large extent
affected by the love and level of education in the family. Generation gap has
so many aspects but here we are concerned with family and social aspects.
Family
is the first social unit for a human being; has great relevance and influence
on the physical and mental development of a human being. Normally there are no
issues up to schooling, as level of obedience to parents and grandparents is
high enough. In fact, it is learning stage when children learn by obeying
commands at home and school too. Soon an off spring reaches his degree or professional
institute he is influenced by his college and local social circle: his exposure to a broad social group and
circumstances, sometimes bring out a new personality rich with knowledge, cordiality
and positivity and hence fully accepted by his family irrespective of
generations therein. When it is other way round, selfish, stick with his own
views, attitude and circumstances the negative side of the generation gap comes
to display and hence the irritation and stress all around.
Apparently
visible and sharp generation gap is always between the first and the third
generation that is between grand-parents and grandchildren for the simple
reason the period gap between the two at present is 45 to 55 years sometimes
even more and half a century is a good enough time period for a social change
as well for development of technology which is changing and developing so fast.
There
are five fundamental reasons for this generation gap namely
inflation,
conversion, technology, individualism and overall human development. Inflation
makes oldies to rethink: they compare everything’s price to their times for
example in 1968 my salary in Govt. of India as Assistant was about Rs.500
(which now stands at about Rs.70000 PM) and now a pizza costs Rs.500 or even
more; hence the tussle between grandparents and grandchildren despite family
having good sources of income. Those who are settled abroad, oldies immediately
convert every currency to Indian rupee and Indian prices which are fairly less
in India as compared European countries and hence they are under stress at
every action of their grandchildren when in foreign land. In such situations
how to adjust: simple change with the time: children are not at fault: comparison
is misplaced.
Human
mind has always been trying ways and means as how to reduce physical labour and
increase his own level of comfort and this lead him to many inventions the
latest being computers, internet, smart phones, Artificial Intelligence, LED
televisions, various Apps, robotics and so many other things, information
technology being mother of all. In addition to above, IT has changed the face
of Banking and bill payments more and more items are now cashless transactions.
The technology that has affected relationships most is internet, mobile phone
and other siblings of information technology. Youngsters are always busy on
smart phone or internet hence lesser physical talk whereas oldies are
accustomed to physical talk hence tension between the first and the third
generation. Young people have to play, go to school for study, go for tuition and
now gym is new addition to their daily schedule hence they have little time for
oldies but this should not annoy oldies who should either compromise or develop
their own fields of interest instead of depending on the physical talk with
others.
Individualism,
“I” first, “Why I can’t”, “I can” attitude of the present generation, general
fall of level of obedience, respect and regards, not only for elders but
everywhere is another reason for stress and generation gap between first and
third generation. Third generation is much quicker than the first and they want
to live all the comforts and luxuries of life, hence the aggression and
domination in their behavior: elders have already passed through this phase
with passage of time and experience their level of speed and aggression has
come down: hence the need for adjustment.
Overall
human development world over, may be education, infrastructure, employment particularly
knowledge based openings irrespective of national boundaries, advent of
multinational, standard of living, even thought, has changed the face of
families even their internal interaction. These parameters have sharpened the
generation gap between first and third generations.
“The
gap between the generations arises because the young person looks at the
future, middle aged person looks at the present, and the old person looks at
the past.”
Professor M.S.Rao
In
addition to above Indian style of living perhaps more particular to India that
is cooking all meals at home starting from morning tea to late night supper
including milk at bed time is one of the causes of generation gap as modern
generations are averse to cooking at home, particularly when maids full time or
otherwise are available for a price. In addition, modern day wonders “Swiggy”
and “Zomato” are just a phone call away. Besides oldies perhaps everywhere in
the world prefer light homemade food whereas younger generations enjoy Burger
and Pizza in all its varieties, hence the irritation, oldies must learn how to
enjoy Pizza and Burger sometime, these are just modifications of Parantha and
Bun we have been eating so long.
Another
thing in the joint family system is taking meals together. Somehow or the other
elders like this. But with the passage of time and the life style changes:
individuals in a family take their meals at different times so they try to
enjoy the food they like most and this has been one of the reasons for breakup
of joint family system.
Problem
of generation gap is acute in those countries which have joint family system,
more the generations living under a roof more complicated is the relationship.
In India four generations living together
is not uncommon; if it is then there are two tiers of generation gap and
hence more bickering and more stress. With the passage of time we are moving
towards nuclear families where seniors cook their own chapattis but children
are invariably with their parents: still to see children living separately but
under current has started as in many families with children having their own
personal rooms.
Who
is the most sufferer of generation gap and who can smooth the ill effects
thereof. This issue has been well summed up in the following words:
A
father must lead his children: but first he must learn how to follow. He must
hold the past with one hand and reach to the future with the other so there can
be no generation gap in family love.
June Masters Bacher
The
man who is father and the son too is most important, he has important role to
play between fussy seniors and stubborn youngsters. Still important is the role
of the elders; they should learn to enjoy with the present of grands; should be
more tolerant and adjusting; be guide them to decide the issues and be their
solace in difficult times. These elders have enough time to make SWOT analysis
of their junior and help them to understand their weaknesses and threats
instead of exploiting their weaknesses to win just unnecessary arguments.
Junior the third generations have their own role to play: they should be more
obedient and respectful instead of being argumentative.
Accumulated
wealth is another cause of stress between these two wonderful generations
genetically one is whole other the part of it. Nobody carries wealth with him
after his death: accumulated wealth is always the property of the living
generations as per law: so be liberal to the extent it does not harm your
personal interests and enjoy the wealth yourself and also allow others eligible
to enjoy your wealth and be happy and keep everybody happy.
The
generation gaps are becoming more and more extreme. It used to be a generation
gap would be 20-plus years. Now, because technology and specifically
communication technology is changing so rapidly, you have generation gaps that
are like five years, ten years.
Chad Kultgen
