Stress and Joy of Generation Gap

 

Stress and Joy of Generation Gap

 

(A problem of grandfather and grandson)

(A problem of grandmother and granddaughter)

(A problem of first and third living generations)

(A problem of a man who is a father and son too)

 

Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one went before it and wiser than the one that comes after it.

                                                     George Orwell

 

I had  superannuated from Govt. service and occasionally for a year or so, used to go to my office to have a chitchat with my friends who were still in service, with the passage of time all retired and these visits reduced to a few and far between. On such a “tafrri”, one autumn morning sometimes long back in April boarded Delhi Metro: as soon as entered the coach, I was looking for a seat reserved for, “Senior Citizens and Differently Abled”, people, every coach has eight such seats. Noticed such a reserved bench for two occupied by a person looking much senior to me in age, when I reached that seat he welcomed me with a broad smile and soon it transpired that we were to be together for an hour or so and hence the chat as usual among the oldies. Passengers were going and coming but we were engrossed in our discussions : we suddenly noticed that a group of youngsters about twenty in number had entered our coach with a bang, looking in their teens and twenties: dressed in their casuals – multicolored T shirts Boo shirts, half sleeve shirts with pockets, without pockets and with so many pockets too, some skin tight other loose, some looked new and nice, others worn and knowingly got torn, some were long enough and others above the navel with deep front and back cuts – so were their trousers, half pants, nickers, short nickers, very short nickers, some looked like long under wears, colourful Bermuds some had the patches and others had cuts perhaps specially made and torn. Some had shirts too long with bare legs and clumsy foot wears. They all had footwear wonderful some with V shape chappals others bathroom slippers; still some had sports shoes but one was certainly having cow-boy high ankles but none with formal polished shoes. All of them intermingled with each as freely as one can imagine and perhaps can’t imagine too, hugging, hand shaking, kissing in all its variants, embracing tight and special as if nobody knew from which side, drinking water, cola and sharing from the same bottles, chew gum was in every mouth, laughing and talking loud crispy jokes both universal and adult, as if they were alone somewhere on a foreigners’ beach in Goa. All of a sudden, I noticed eyes of my bench mate were red with anger and he was about to speak something:  I stopped him from doing anything and asking them, the youngsters, to behave: somehow or the other he kept quiet. Then I asked him whether he had been to any movie in his life. He readily said, “Yes”. As in movie I explained to him, many things are not to one’s taste, still he continues to sit in the hall. “This is movie alive, Sir, enjoy the fantasy in all its variety and also what else you can and leave balance to waste.” We had a hearty laugh: before he started seeing the show as movie alive they had vanished and the coach had sitting passengers only. Was it a dream or reality, I do not know: but certainly it was a good display of generation gap. We realized the time had changed and now nobody bothers about what unknowns or knowns think about them, their behavior, dress, eating manners and social decency. So oldies must change with time and adjust their mind set with new norms, possibility of happening such incidents at home can’t be ruled out that is the only way to keep away from the unnecessary stress like this. This is society of humans vibrant, so oldies must try to keep the pace, if not fast enough, let it be slow but they must move.

 

Generation gap is a difference of attitudes, views, opinions, thoughts and current trends between people of different generations, leading to a lack of understanding, stress, irritation and sometimes even to family fights or say quarrels.  Difference of age and misunderstandings play their own role. Previously the physical gap between two generations was 15-20 years when man was more concerned about earning and reproduction, then it changed to 20-25 years when education obtained a place in the life of a human being and at present it is something between 25 to 30 years as people are now more concerned about their career as against marriage: this to a large extent affected by the love and level of education in the family. Generation gap has so many aspects but here we are concerned with family and social aspects.

 

Family is the first social unit for a human being; has great relevance and influence on the physical and mental development of a human being. Normally there are no issues up to schooling, as level of obedience to parents and grandparents is high enough. In fact, it is learning stage when children learn by obeying commands at home and school too. Soon an off spring reaches his degree or professional institute he is influenced by his college and local social circle: his exposure to a broad social group and circumstances, sometimes bring out a new personality rich with knowledge, cordiality and positivity and hence fully accepted by his family irrespective of generations therein. When it is other way round, selfish, stick with his own views, attitude and circumstances the negative side of the generation gap comes to display and hence the irritation and stress all around.

 

Apparently visible and sharp generation gap is always between the first and the third generation that is between grand-parents and grandchildren for the simple reason the period gap between the two at present is 45 to 55 years sometimes even more and half a century is a good enough time period for a social change as well for development of technology which is changing and developing so fast.

 

There are five fundamental reasons for this generation gap namely

inflation, conversion, technology, individualism and overall human development. Inflation makes oldies to rethink: they compare everything’s price to their times for example in 1968 my salary in Govt. of India as Assistant was about Rs.500 (which now stands at about Rs.70000 PM) and now a pizza costs Rs.500 or even more; hence the tussle between grandparents and grandchildren despite family having good sources of income. Those who are settled abroad, oldies immediately convert every currency to Indian rupee and Indian prices which are fairly less in India as compared European countries and hence they are under stress at every action of their grandchildren when in foreign land. In such situations how to adjust: simple change with the time: children are not at fault: comparison is misplaced.

 

Human mind has always been trying ways and means as how to reduce physical labour and increase his own level of comfort and this lead him to many inventions the latest being computers, internet, smart phones, Artificial Intelligence, LED televisions, various Apps, robotics and so many other things, information technology being mother of all. In addition to above, IT has changed the face of Banking and bill payments more and more items are now cashless transactions. The technology that has affected relationships most is internet, mobile phone and other siblings of information technology. Youngsters are always busy on smart phone or internet hence lesser physical talk whereas oldies are accustomed to physical talk hence tension between the first and the third generation. Young people have to play, go to school for study, go for tuition and now gym is new addition to their daily schedule hence they have little time for oldies but this should not annoy oldies who should either compromise or develop their own fields of interest instead of depending on the physical talk with others.

 

Individualism, “I” first, “Why I can’t”, “I can” attitude of the present generation, general fall of level of obedience, respect and regards, not only for elders but everywhere is another reason for stress and generation gap between first and third generation. Third generation is much quicker than the first and they want to live all the comforts and luxuries of life, hence the aggression and domination in their behavior: elders have already passed through this phase with passage of time and experience their level of speed and aggression has come down: hence the need for adjustment. 

 

Overall human development world over, may be education, infrastructure, employment particularly knowledge based openings irrespective of national boundaries, advent of multinational, standard of living, even thought, has changed the face of families even their internal interaction. These parameters have sharpened the generation gap between first and third generations.

 

“The gap between the generations arises because the young person looks at the future, middle aged person looks at the present, and the old person looks at the past.”                                                                                                               

                                                                   Professor M.S.Rao

 

In addition to above Indian style of living perhaps more particular to India that is cooking all meals at home starting from morning tea to late night supper including milk at bed time is one of the causes of generation gap as modern generations are averse to cooking at home, particularly when maids full time or otherwise are available for a price. In addition, modern day wonders “Swiggy” and “Zomato” are just a phone call away. Besides oldies perhaps everywhere in the world prefer light homemade food whereas younger generations enjoy Burger and Pizza in all its varieties, hence the irritation, oldies must learn how to enjoy Pizza and Burger sometime, these are just modifications of Parantha and Bun we have been eating so long.

 

Another thing in the joint family system is taking meals together. Somehow or the other elders like this. But with the passage of time and the life style changes: individuals in a family take their meals at different times so they try to enjoy the food they like most and this has been one of the reasons for breakup of joint family system.

 

Problem of generation gap is acute in those countries which have joint family system, more the generations living under a roof more complicated is the relationship. In India four generations living together  is not uncommon; if it is then there are two tiers of generation gap and hence more bickering and more stress. With the passage of time we are moving towards nuclear families where seniors cook their own chapattis but children are invariably with their parents: still to see children living separately but under current has started as in many families with children having their own personal rooms.

 

Who is the most sufferer of generation gap and who can smooth the ill effects thereof. This issue has been well summed up in the following words:

 

A father must lead his children: but first he must learn how to follow. He must hold the past with one hand and reach to the future with the other so there can be no generation gap in family love.

                                                               June Masters Bacher

 

The man who is father and the son too is most important, he has important role to play between fussy seniors and stubborn youngsters. Still important is the role of the elders; they should learn to enjoy with the present of grands; should be more tolerant and adjusting; be guide them to decide the issues and be their solace in difficult times. These elders have enough time to make SWOT analysis of their junior and help them to understand their weaknesses and threats instead of exploiting their weaknesses to win just unnecessary arguments. Junior the third generations have their own role to play: they should be more obedient and respectful instead of being argumentative.

 

Accumulated wealth is another cause of stress between these two wonderful generations genetically one is whole other the part of it. Nobody carries wealth with him after his death: accumulated wealth is always the property of the living generations as per law: so be liberal to the extent it does not harm your personal interests and enjoy the wealth yourself and also allow others eligible to enjoy your wealth and be happy and keep everybody happy.    

 

The generation gaps are becoming more and more extreme. It used to be a generation gap would be 20-plus years. Now, because technology and specifically communication technology is changing so rapidly, you have generation gaps that are like five years, ten years.

                                                                            Chad Kultgen