Stress-free Positive Start of the Morning

 

                Stress-free Positive Start of the Morning                     

How The Lord Allows Me to Start My Day 

HIS benevolence is unlimited, present everywhere in every action: as soon as I get up in the morning, my face is towards the Washroom, what a wonderful feeling of freshness and a bounce, a blessing. After attending to self: a self-audible prayer of thanks to the Lord which he listens with “blessings always”. Now is the time to reach the Electric Glass Jug, a thought of my son for a glass of hot water and sip it, sip by sip feeling every drop down the throat and cleansing the nerves right upto below the stomach. Gas stove is not far away nor the kettle, Ketlly we Punjabis as they call it, for making my first concoction of the day: light the gas, old way with a match stick: Ketlly placed on it plain, to destroy the germs and smell of deeply boiled vegetables etc, if any, earlier, before adding a full glass of RO water a modern day necessity in Metros: now is time to go to front courtyard with a prayer to mother Tulsi to pluck some leaves with her permission and to add to the boiling water: give a good boil till a greenish reflection is there in the Ketlly: now it is the moment to add a pinch of cinnamon: it spills a wonderful smell so sweet with concoction turning light brown; then addition of two cloves to the boiling nectar plus two pinch of black pepper crushed, it fills the air with a wonder fragrance. The boil continues till it is reduced to half. Then comes the time to add jaggry solid or crushed called Shukker in my native state: this time brought specially for us by my daughter-in-law from her native village in Himachal a pure product dark brown: given good boil to ripen sour element, if any: its now turn of tea leaves fresh Brooke Bond CTC pure and simple to join, given good boil on low flame at least for two-three minutes as in my native state, after adding two cups of milk: sieved into two cups that were waiting in the hot water to keep the concoction warm for a long time: offered to my “Best Half” on the bed as first “drink” of the day singing the words, “Chai Pio Khus Ho Jao”. 

Every sip enjoyed, satisfying, rich, excellent fragrance, cleansing the throat, stomach freshening the body from head to tow, listening the golden melodious voice of Prernamurti Bharti Shriji, “Govind Hare Gopal Hare”, bringing us face to face with the Lord, and Pandit Bhimsen Joshi’s “Jo Bhaje Hari Ko Sada”, a classical gem merging one with the Lord, enlightening the thinking, attitude and setting the mood positive for the day. 

This how the Lord allows me to start my day, every day, season to season. 

Keep your morning positive and stress, your day will be wonderful.

Stress and Joy of Generation Gap

 

Stress and Joy of Generation Gap

 

(A problem of grandfather and grandson)

(A problem of grandmother and granddaughter)

(A problem of first and third living generations)

(A problem of a man who is a father and son too)

 

Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one went before it and wiser than the one that comes after it.

                                                     George Orwell

 

I had  superannuated from Govt. service and occasionally for a year or so, used to go to my office to have a chitchat with my friends who were still in service, with the passage of time all retired and these visits reduced to a few and far between. On such a “tafrri”, one autumn morning sometimes long back in April boarded Delhi Metro: as soon as entered the coach, I was looking for a seat reserved for, “Senior Citizens and Differently Abled”, people, every coach has eight such seats. Noticed such a reserved bench for two occupied by a person looking much senior to me in age, when I reached that seat he welcomed me with a broad smile and soon it transpired that we were to be together for an hour or so and hence the chat as usual among the oldies. Passengers were going and coming but we were engrossed in our discussions : we suddenly noticed that a group of youngsters about twenty in number had entered our coach with a bang, looking in their teens and twenties: dressed in their casuals – multicolored T shirts Boo shirts, half sleeve shirts with pockets, without pockets and with so many pockets too, some skin tight other loose, some looked new and nice, others worn and knowingly got torn, some were long enough and others above the navel with deep front and back cuts – so were their trousers, half pants, nickers, short nickers, very short nickers, some looked like long under wears, colourful Bermuds some had the patches and others had cuts perhaps specially made and torn. Some had shirts too long with bare legs and clumsy foot wears. They all had footwear wonderful some with V shape chappals others bathroom slippers; still some had sports shoes but one was certainly having cow-boy high ankles but none with formal polished shoes. All of them intermingled with each as freely as one can imagine and perhaps can’t imagine too, hugging, hand shaking, kissing in all its variants, embracing tight and special as if nobody knew from which side, drinking water, cola and sharing from the same bottles, chew gum was in every mouth, laughing and talking loud crispy jokes both universal and adult, as if they were alone somewhere on a foreigners’ beach in Goa. All of a sudden, I noticed eyes of my bench mate were red with anger and he was about to speak something:  I stopped him from doing anything and asking them, the youngsters, to behave: somehow or the other he kept quiet. Then I asked him whether he had been to any movie in his life. He readily said, “Yes”. As in movie I explained to him, many things are not to one’s taste, still he continues to sit in the hall. “This is movie alive, Sir, enjoy the fantasy in all its variety and also what else you can and leave balance to waste.” We had a hearty laugh: before he started seeing the show as movie alive they had vanished and the coach had sitting passengers only. Was it a dream or reality, I do not know: but certainly it was a good display of generation gap. We realized the time had changed and now nobody bothers about what unknowns or knowns think about them, their behavior, dress, eating manners and social decency. So oldies must change with time and adjust their mind set with new norms, possibility of happening such incidents at home can’t be ruled out that is the only way to keep away from the unnecessary stress like this. This is society of humans vibrant, so oldies must try to keep the pace, if not fast enough, let it be slow but they must move.

 

Generation gap is a difference of attitudes, views, opinions, thoughts and current trends between people of different generations, leading to a lack of understanding, stress, irritation and sometimes even to family fights or say quarrels.  Difference of age and misunderstandings play their own role. Previously the physical gap between two generations was 15-20 years when man was more concerned about earning and reproduction, then it changed to 20-25 years when education obtained a place in the life of a human being and at present it is something between 25 to 30 years as people are now more concerned about their career as against marriage: this to a large extent affected by the love and level of education in the family. Generation gap has so many aspects but here we are concerned with family and social aspects.

 

Family is the first social unit for a human being; has great relevance and influence on the physical and mental development of a human being. Normally there are no issues up to schooling, as level of obedience to parents and grandparents is high enough. In fact, it is learning stage when children learn by obeying commands at home and school too. Soon an off spring reaches his degree or professional institute he is influenced by his college and local social circle: his exposure to a broad social group and circumstances, sometimes bring out a new personality rich with knowledge, cordiality and positivity and hence fully accepted by his family irrespective of generations therein. When it is other way round, selfish, stick with his own views, attitude and circumstances the negative side of the generation gap comes to display and hence the irritation and stress all around.

 

Apparently visible and sharp generation gap is always between the first and the third generation that is between grand-parents and grandchildren for the simple reason the period gap between the two at present is 45 to 55 years sometimes even more and half a century is a good enough time period for a social change as well for development of technology which is changing and developing so fast.

 

There are five fundamental reasons for this generation gap namely

inflation, conversion, technology, individualism and overall human development. Inflation makes oldies to rethink: they compare everything’s price to their times for example in 1968 my salary in Govt. of India as Assistant was about Rs.500 (which now stands at about Rs.70000 PM) and now a pizza costs Rs.500 or even more; hence the tussle between grandparents and grandchildren despite family having good sources of income. Those who are settled abroad, oldies immediately convert every currency to Indian rupee and Indian prices which are fairly less in India as compared European countries and hence they are under stress at every action of their grandchildren when in foreign land. In such situations how to adjust: simple change with the time: children are not at fault: comparison is misplaced.

 

Human mind has always been trying ways and means as how to reduce physical labour and increase his own level of comfort and this lead him to many inventions the latest being computers, internet, smart phones, Artificial Intelligence, LED televisions, various Apps, robotics and so many other things, information technology being mother of all. In addition to above, IT has changed the face of Banking and bill payments more and more items are now cashless transactions. The technology that has affected relationships most is internet, mobile phone and other siblings of information technology. Youngsters are always busy on smart phone or internet hence lesser physical talk whereas oldies are accustomed to physical talk hence tension between the first and the third generation. Young people have to play, go to school for study, go for tuition and now gym is new addition to their daily schedule hence they have little time for oldies but this should not annoy oldies who should either compromise or develop their own fields of interest instead of depending on the physical talk with others.

 

Individualism, “I” first, “Why I can’t”, “I can” attitude of the present generation, general fall of level of obedience, respect and regards, not only for elders but everywhere is another reason for stress and generation gap between first and third generation. Third generation is much quicker than the first and they want to live all the comforts and luxuries of life, hence the aggression and domination in their behavior: elders have already passed through this phase with passage of time and experience their level of speed and aggression has come down: hence the need for adjustment. 

 

Overall human development world over, may be education, infrastructure, employment particularly knowledge based openings irrespective of national boundaries, advent of multinational, standard of living, even thought, has changed the face of families even their internal interaction. These parameters have sharpened the generation gap between first and third generations.

 

“The gap between the generations arises because the young person looks at the future, middle aged person looks at the present, and the old person looks at the past.”                                                                                                               

                                                                   Professor M.S.Rao

 

In addition to above Indian style of living perhaps more particular to India that is cooking all meals at home starting from morning tea to late night supper including milk at bed time is one of the causes of generation gap as modern generations are averse to cooking at home, particularly when maids full time or otherwise are available for a price. In addition, modern day wonders “Swiggy” and “Zomato” are just a phone call away. Besides oldies perhaps everywhere in the world prefer light homemade food whereas younger generations enjoy Burger and Pizza in all its varieties, hence the irritation, oldies must learn how to enjoy Pizza and Burger sometime, these are just modifications of Parantha and Bun we have been eating so long.

 

Another thing in the joint family system is taking meals together. Somehow or the other elders like this. But with the passage of time and the life style changes: individuals in a family take their meals at different times so they try to enjoy the food they like most and this has been one of the reasons for breakup of joint family system.

 

Problem of generation gap is acute in those countries which have joint family system, more the generations living under a roof more complicated is the relationship. In India four generations living together  is not uncommon; if it is then there are two tiers of generation gap and hence more bickering and more stress. With the passage of time we are moving towards nuclear families where seniors cook their own chapattis but children are invariably with their parents: still to see children living separately but under current has started as in many families with children having their own personal rooms.

 

Who is the most sufferer of generation gap and who can smooth the ill effects thereof. This issue has been well summed up in the following words:

 

A father must lead his children: but first he must learn how to follow. He must hold the past with one hand and reach to the future with the other so there can be no generation gap in family love.

                                                               June Masters Bacher

 

The man who is father and the son too is most important, he has important role to play between fussy seniors and stubborn youngsters. Still important is the role of the elders; they should learn to enjoy with the present of grands; should be more tolerant and adjusting; be guide them to decide the issues and be their solace in difficult times. These elders have enough time to make SWOT analysis of their junior and help them to understand their weaknesses and threats instead of exploiting their weaknesses to win just unnecessary arguments. Junior the third generations have their own role to play: they should be more obedient and respectful instead of being argumentative.

 

Accumulated wealth is another cause of stress between these two wonderful generations genetically one is whole other the part of it. Nobody carries wealth with him after his death: accumulated wealth is always the property of the living generations as per law: so be liberal to the extent it does not harm your personal interests and enjoy the wealth yourself and also allow others eligible to enjoy your wealth and be happy and keep everybody happy.    

 

The generation gaps are becoming more and more extreme. It used to be a generation gap would be 20-plus years. Now, because technology and specifically communication technology is changing so rapidly, you have generation gaps that are like five years, ten years.

                                                                            Chad Kultgen

Stress and Joy of Superannuation

 

Stress and Joy of Superannuation

 

Old age, believe me, is a good and pleasant thing. It is true you are gently shouldered off the stage, but then you are given a comfortable front stall as spectator.                                                                                                                                           Confucius

 

Retirement has been discovery of beauty for me. I never had the time before to notice the beauty of my grandkids, my wife, the tree outside my very own front door and the beauty of time itself.                            

                                                                          Hartman Jule

 

I superannuated from the Govt. service at the age 60 Years in 2004 say more than eighteen years back and the pen that was known for firm commitments came to stand still: I became a pensioner and always felt superannuation was good and pleasant thing but never realized, “I have been shouldered off the stage” and “given a comfortable front stall as a spectator” in house hold affairs too: continued to meddle   in our house hold affairs and influenced majority of the domestic issues, as before, perhaps in a few issues it was either not liked by others or it did not suit them or it did not provide them the space required, had a simmering under current of which I was over confident, would never become a flame but it did, and we both Pati and Patni were made to realize that, “we have been shouldered off the stage,” and that our role is that of “a spectator in the comfortable front row”, even in household affairs, slowly we became accustomed to it and it became a part of our normal routine: we are now entitled to information at pleasure and sometime not even that: happy and fully reconciled to the present we are as it unfolds.  I regret what Confucius said 551-479 BC back we could not realize even in twenty first century almost 2500 years after his death. What a great thought and a reality, both at work place and home. I do not know how many are like me but feel their number is certainly not small. This is the first and the greatest stress of superannuation that we do not understand that we have retired and is a reason for entry of many oldies to the old-age homes and living a stressful life among strangers. It is universal human right of an individual to have his nuclear family where the couple is supreme not someone else: everybody enjoys that period: we did and as in all heights achieved, also has to have decline it is only the question of time and understanding that matters in this aspect of life also, earlier one understands better it is.  

 

Workaholics - a person who loves work and does too much of it, work goes deep into his bones: after retirement, are more under stress than the normals and shirkers, have seen many making their journey to His abode quicker perhaps than their age. The best way to get rid of this stress is to devote time and energy to health and self-welfare rather total self; must restore the routine one missed for years together: change the routine you already have, healthy exercise, morning and evening walks, healthy food, groom yourself: indulge in niceties of life: date your spouse as you were doing in young days, take care of your dress which people many a times neglect after retirement. One thing more develop your sense of music and devotion to Almighty: YouTube is full of such intoxicating music: if consumed by the soul with full involvement it will give you His glimpse and a feeling that He is sitting beside you: a feeling of bliss and His grace. If you have no taste for such a change: listen to the melodious songs of your own choice, they would take you away from the place where you are to the valleys, mountains, beautiful places full of snow, sea beaches, dance floors, intoxicating parties and what not.

 

Morning is wonderful period of the day for everybody more so for retired workaholics : get up early in the morning: free yourself from the routine: enjoy a cup of tea or coffee made to your taste in the company of the pearl of your life in a corner of your home you like most, go for a morning walk together with your spouse, if possible, even one is sufficient, wish everybody irrespective of known or unknown whosoever you meet and get the greeting for yourself: talk to everybody in a positive manner with his welfare in view and a broad smile on your face, stroll or an hour so, amongst the seasonal flowers and birds, tress and bushes: see how nature grows that too silently:  on way back bring home milk, vegetables, fruits, other necessities whatever you like: your half the day is practically gone: now come to the dining table and enjoy your breakfast sumptuous in the most beautiful company in the most relaxing manner.  Evenings are equally wonderful enjoyable for those who take care of themselves the way they like: a visit to religious place or tinkle of glasses is wonderful. The world is full and ready to entertain you, enjoy, get what you want, but do not be under stress.

 

"You don't stop laughing when you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing."

                                                           George Bernard Shaw

 

A man is born alone and he then is bothered about himself: his food, comfort, weep, laughter, sleep, play, anger and everything where he is personally concerned: so a retiree also becomes a baby as by then normally has finished all his responsibilities so he should bother only on one thing that is how to live happily and stress free like a child. 

 

Finances, if not sufficient, are a real cause of stress after retirement: there is no effective and sufficient social security system in the country nor there is established donor or charity system, one must plan while in the earning stage: with much lower interest rates on savings deposits even built-up capital has become largely immaterial. So one has work for a few chips even in the old age, if need be. No Govt sponsored Old Age Home are available, however some charitable old age home are there even they are not sufficient: they provide only the basic amenities at the same time despite change in the thinking of the society going to Old-Age home is not considered a good option. In this period of high inflation this is real cause to think about. Question is how to manage as at present. Nothing can be generalized: everybody has his own needs, resources, nature, style, character, a sense of shyness or one can say shame etc., one like to ask other is afraid of asking too.

 

After superannuation health becomes an issue with many oldies: the reason being lot of rest and food plus already inherited life style and other diseases carried forward from the previous rung of the journey of life. What to do? Best and most effective option is medical services provided by Govt without charges. We are lucky to have been born in a country where medical attention for day to day illness is available right from free to five star: it all depends on yourself what type of services or attention you want and resources one has. This is in case of health issue: but one should remain healthy not needing medical attention in a hospital. Two fundamentals of health are food and exercise. Food is health and disease also: keep your food healthy: quantity not more than three fourths less of salt, sugar and fat: early diner an amount of fruit and vegetable: nothing rigorous is required except one’s determination and will to achieve. For exercise one is not required to go gym or an instructor: simple walking at the pace one’s body can afford for 40 to 45 minutes in the morning and evening too: Yoga if possible: meditation is optional. Yoga and meditation are good both for physical as well as mental health: adopt both if you can. Relax your body for 15 to 20 minute as if one is dead: it is good exercise with health benefits. In nut shell, change food habits and exercise for health only and restrict screen watching to an hour or so otherwise take medicine for cervical pains, discomfort and wear collar on your neck.

 

"Retirement: a time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked."

                                                                                                              Catherine Pulisfer

 

 

 

Retirement is blank sheet of paper. It is chance to redesign your life into something new and different.

                                                                         Patrick Foley

 

This is the age of computers, internet, smart phones, what Sapp, Artificial Intelligence, LED televisions and so many other things. Whenever there is malfunctioning of any these things, first option available to correct is to refresh and second option is to off the system and restart it: in ninety nine percent cases it works and the system works well as we want. When these man made computers and circuits can reset themselves so easily why can’t the God made computer the man. Only thing, perhaps, is how efficiently the switch is operated: operate it well, you have innumerable opportunities before you not the one available to man-made computers. A man is never too old to reset this switch, but operate it yourself with determination and will to do.

 

 “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

                                                                              C.S. Lewis

Stress and Joy of Keeping a Pet

Stress and Joy of Keeping a Pet

 

"Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made."

                                                                       – Roger A. Caras

 

More than three decades back, when I reached our home from office in the evening of hot June of Delhi: my wife came running from the other end of the street and said; that one of our neighbours a little far away had expired that evening: I wanted her to confirm that it was not he but his father who was old enough and suffering from many ailments had expired: which did not prove true. We went again to offer condolences and express grief to the bereaved family. What we found to our surprise that his pet a small sparkle white dog was sitting near the dead body with watery eyes in silence as if he knew what had happened.  Days passed all rites were over and the pet was always present. People, at home, subsequently told that the pet never took food once the father figure had passed away and finally in ten days or so he also passed away: obviously in grief of his keeper. That is how the pets behave some time. This is not the sole instance I have seen, there have many more. There has been one thing common in all – the love and loyalty - hall mark of the world of dogs.  

 

Hindus believe that dogs are able see the Lord of Death before he arrives and perhaps they are right. Dogs produce a peculiar bark as sign of such forthcoming happenings and many people do not allow them to do so. It is God’s pet also and scriptures say that it accompanied The Dharmaraj Yudhister alive to the Heaven. Some people feed them regularly or otherwise to set their stars particularly those intended to create hindrances in life, in order.  

 

Two years back nuclear family of my son living separately in the upper portion of the house, one day told us - the two oldies living on the ground floor, that they have decided, after a long deliberation among themselves, to have a pet: a dog at home. Both of us were not in favour, simply because a pet means looking after a being double the trouble of a human, unable to explain and express and that it would increase burden of work on my son who is always hard pressed for time being to look after two oldies, his wife and daughter, his son the sixth member of the family being already away for engineering course. But we could not prevail: they had their say as it happens these days wind blows that way. A Golden Retriever male puppy lovely and cute one month young entered our home as the seventh inmate and named Rambo meaning - an exceptionally tough, aggressive man. This was the first ever entry of a pet in our home.

 

It brought a bundle of activities with him almost for whole of the nuclear family and occasionally for us too. Quickly we understood that voice of his bark was different at different occasion, warning of a stranger, calling for somebody near, want to eat and so on. It is how they communicate. In fact, a pet at home means looking after an equivalent of at least two human beings. It has been so loving and intimate that in winters it used to sleep in the quilt along with the my grandson and grand-daughter and whenever it happened to be with us it would jump to our lap but without a bite: always ready to eat if given bites as we give to our own young children: enjoyed the massage of his ears, head and body too, in such a situation how a human being with a heart can refuse his love: he would hold the arm of the family member in his jaws without a bite and would like to hug or be hugged. Slowly and also with training his aggressive style has gone and now he is more gentle and behaves. He is looked after more by our granddaughter than anybody else: our daughter-in-law still continues to be afraid of him, despite him having given up his aggressive style of showering love and affection.

 

He was given number of vaccinations like children to save him from ailments and also to protect our own family against inadvertent dog bite which did happen and all the four of nuclear family got themselves the vaccinations.  

 

One fine morning my son found that there was a big mount on the back of the pet, a cause to worry, when checked up with the Doctor he advised for a test for malignant growth, it increased tension many fold in the family. Anyhow we got the test done and when report came it was a sigh of relief that confirmed that it was a benign growth and then the Doctor treated him accordingly: now he is healthy but scar is still there.

 

Whenever we have to go out for a few days first issue to be sorted out is how to arrange for Rambo. If it is for a day or so we the oldies can manage the show because his sleeping behavior is good: as soon as the lights are off firstly he pretends and then actually sleeps but is always awake at the slightest noise or disturbance and whenever we get up for washroom he would peep and then fast asleep. When we are out for a week or so and he can be taken in the car he is first to jump and occupy his place and would go to ease himself only at the end of the journey. When he cannot be taken along with the family then can be sent to Kennel Creech but it is costly affair may be as high as Rs.2000 a day: but his single visit for a week have made him more humble and well behaved.

 

Keeping pet clean is a big exercise. Occasionally he is taken to a Doctor for bug removal. He is given a bath every week with a shampoo, he enjoys the bath particularly in summer, the shake he makes thereafter makes one to take bath again: so normally whosoever gives him the bath, takes bath above after the prince has taken his turn.

 

Rambo is friendly; likes to sit with the family and does what others in family do; keeps the atmosphere lively full of activity.  

 

"The greatest fear dogs know is the fear that you will not come back when you go out the door without them."

                                                                       – Stanley Coren

 

In fact, that fear of dogs is genuine as many a times when the dog is too old or has some disease incurable, people leave them to die in open.

 

"Everyone thinks they have the best dog. And none of them are wrong."

                                                                           – W.R. Purche 

Stress of Living Without Children (Part I)

 

Stress of Living Without Children

(Part I)

Married life without children is the

day deprived of the Sun’s rays.

Latin Proverb

 

Once, I along with a colleague of mine happened to go to the home of my boss, polite, polished and well behaved enough, two place higher than me in official hierarchy. It was hot afternoon of June of north India. After exchange of salutations, he-the boss himself brought for us some cold drinks and snacks in a serving tray. Both of us felt embarrassed, “You could have told us Sir.” I uttered. While we were sipping it slowly, my colleague asked the boss, why he brought all that for us himself, somebody else could have done: your child or maid or servant. Boss simply replied maid has gone after finishing her routine and the Lord did not bless us with children and he changed the topic quickly to official matters. This short and curt conversation between us was enough to understand the sense of pain and deprivation that was going on in the family rather say in the couple. They wanted, were willing, but not blessed with. Children are always light bright of a home; many a times they are first to greet and guest too are first to ask about the welfare and progress of the children: they are a topic for discussion, laughter, smiles and sweeties: generally parents have a pride to discuss their achievements and success stories. They are a re-live of their grand-parents. When the subject is missing there can’t be any discussion, praise or otherwise.

 

Elder brother of the boss had a daughter and a son, both good were at studies; daughter is now a Doctor and boy a Professor; both well placed in life: boss was very proud of them: still to have your own children is something different and satisfying too. A child on the threshold of a home in evening waiting to receive his father and mother is a pleasure extreme always and a stress buster when you are encircled by issues.

A home without children looks like a haunted house during the day and more so at night, particularly when the night is at its youth: and if you happen to lose your sleep at that time, there is nobody to listen to your hiss or voice of pain or uneasiness of breath. It is dark with different voices of reptiles and insects also sometimes.  

 

A man is born generally to become a father, but he can’t become father as and when he likes and so a girl rather a bride can’t bear children when she likes, the nature has given a specific time frame when humans can conceive so go with the nature and reap the fruit: however, exceptions are always there as the freaks and miracles are. Best time is as soon you get married, enjoy the nature, love, affection, new life, relations, relationships and sex too and be a party to the party times. More you delay more are the chances to suffer as in the modern times people like to enjoy rather allowing nature to play its own role. Despite all this grant of status as a parent to the couple is still with the Lord. Youth is the Bloom and Spring of human life; so let it operate in a natural way and be blessed to enjoy the laughter and smile while the infant is awake and sleeping too: those small, round, pinkish cheeks would remain there for few months, slowly they would become wheatish perhaps dark too. It is pleasure to see when an infant moves his legs like cycling. His cry has its own charm, shrill, soft and sobbing. The place is always vibrant and full of activity positive and pure where children are there. It is a wonderful period to see a child to learn speaking her mother tongue. Those are the special words and special tones sometimes remembered for life time. Pronunciation does not matter, sense is always understood. When child utter a slang for his mother, “Maa” or something else it is time to celebrate. With child birth a mother is also born. It is great pleasure to have somebody who says you “Maa” or for that matter, “Papa”. This little angel is always a cementing factor, a turning point in troubled marriages and couples.

 

One of the greatest titles in the world is parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the world is to have parents to call mom and dad.                                                      Jim Demint

 

It is a great pleasure to carry a child in your arms, sometimes it is once in life time wonder: second times we meet him when he is grown up and now you can huge and bless him when he touches your feet or you regret when he just passes by your side without even recognizing you.

 

Without kids tomorrow wouldn’t be worth the wait and yesterday would not be worth remembering.

Anonymous

 

About forty five years back a young boy entered my room in office, his eyes appeared red as if with anger, I being a senior sensed this, made him to sit comfortably in front of me and offered him a glass of and cup of tea also. After he had finished I asked him what brought him to my room. He wanted an official work to be done for him which was earlier refused to him by my senior, I asked for the prescribed fee and got it deposited in the treasury and gave him the receipt. He was astonished and said, “Is it over Sir”. I replied, “Yes it is over and you will have the action on the appointed day.” This incident made him my friend for life. In the meantime he married his love and they were a beautiful couple and still continue to be. After a year or so he met me again in the corridor and I happened to ask the progress on marriage front and he replied we want to enjoy for some time more. After similar answers for three four years, once I told him be quick otherwise it would be too late. Perhaps he did not pay any heed and there was a long gap in between; when I spotted him in the office corridor and repeated the same question. He had no words to answers but his eyes were speaking the truth that they were still a childless couple and were undergoing treatment in a reputed hospital. His face was speaking about the stress and worry, they were passing through. It was only after twelve years of marriage that they were blessed with a girl child: the Doll. She is now more than thirty still unmarried, despite advice of her parents for marriage; perhaps she wants to have career of her choice which is evading her again and again.  

 

If I have no children

what would be the point of living.

Sheena Easton

 

We were living in a rented accommodation when one day my Landlord asked me to vacate and before I could say something he himself said that he had already arranged an alternative accommodation for us in the neighbourhood. Soon we shifted to the new accommodation, neat and clean but sleepy and orderly: everything in place. Before our family could settle in a week or so,  we came to know that our new Landlord was a childless couple: as they were old enough and had tried everything possible, had reconciled to their fate that they have to remain like that only. In a few days we discovered that they developed like, love and affection for our child who sometimes used to play in their portion and we were not worried about any of his needs when he was with them. One day it so happened that our little master developed some discomfort and both of us were unable to locate and he continued to cry at the top of his voice: he was perhaps more than a year at that time. After our persistent efforts he uttered a few words and we were able make out as if he is saying “I want a sweet parantha from Aunti (as the landlady used to be addressed by all of us)”. It was almost mid night and both of us were hesitant to knock at their door so late at night, any way my wife gathered courage and knocked. Fortunately, “Aunti” as she used to be addressed, responded and she came out and asked what she can do to comfort the boy: request was made: she was so pleased to carry out that those feeling on the face of Aunti can’t be explained in words: her face was bubbling and extra-ordinarily glowing, she felt so amused that at least there is child who is asking for a “Parantha” made by her. The baby had the parantha to his fill and thereafter slept peaceful and this made my landlady “Paranthewali Aunti” forever for us and this cemented that the bonds between two families that remained there till both the Landlord and Landlady left for their heavenly abode.  In fact, the couple had place in their heart for a child that never came and my son provided them temporarily a sense of having that place filled.

 

There is unique Pain

that comes from preparing a place in your Heart

 for a child that never comes.

David Platt

 

Childless people are always expected to explain themselves, although it would never occur to anyone to ask a woman why she became a mother.

Elisabeth Badinter

Stress of Living Alone in Old Age

 

                Stress of Living Alone in Old Age

 

Nobody should be alone in their old age, he thought.

Ernest Hemingway

 

Journey of life is wonderful: nobody knows when it begins and would end: these secrets have perhaps been kept by the Lord with himself to provide those who are born a feeling, motivation, inspiration and  a goal that they would remain here forever. Had it not been so people would have been different in their behavior, living, working, romance and thoughts too. Human beings are thankful to the Lord for such a beautiful concept although everybody knows that this is false and the reality is that everybody has to move out of this place when his turn comes that would come unexpected and unknown generally.

 

Despite the above, we through all pass the different phases of life and normally do what is required to be done during that phase: always wanting to be enjoying and comfortable. Then comes the last phase: by when we have mostly finished the responsibilities imposed, obtained whatever we could obtain and done what was in our capabilities. Children are settled some near and others faraway some care and some do not bother; some live with us and others keep us away: oldie couples lives as couple till the Lord obliterates one of them but the life goes on, smooth or rough that is law of nature true and hard.

 

With many there are no aim and goals, just have the meals and pass the day: even others a majority browsing, WhatsApp, TV, Newspaper its prevalence has decreased, walking, gossip in the neighbourhood park are the routine nothing fruitful or objective: but still it is good time pass without stress. But what fruitful can be done: apparently nothing solid and specific except in few exceptional cases. However some people devote themselves to social service, Holy Scriptures, lectures about life and personal experience to relieve others of agony and stress.

 

The problem arise when in couple that was living alone, suddenly one out of the couple goes to the abode of the Lord, children are far away or do not care: how to pass the time.

 

The supreme happiness of life consists in the conviction that one is loved.

                                                                               Victor Hugo

 

Previously joint families and even the families of ancestors far apart, were there to look after such oldies, meals were not a problem it was anywhere with anyone in the native places since one was known to whole of the agglomeration but now it is an era when nuclear families are order of the day and nobody is ready to take the uncalled for responsibility. A guest for a day or so is alright but not thereafter.

 

The above and such similar circumstances have made some of the oldies both male and female bold enough and they proceed to have a partner: such an arrangement solemnized or otherwise provide immediate reason to enjoy life and carry on: may be criticized by family or the society. Such arrangement since they are need based and between the persons who have seen and experienced full and rich life are successful as the physical needs are limited and means are sufficient. Both have their good and bitter experiences and enough time to share with each other and enjoy the dinner with dreams and drinks too. Life becomes smooth and soothing too. Such relationships are based on communication rather than on assumptions and arithmetic of such mature love relationships is, one plus one is everything and two minus one is nothing. Many a times such union end only when one has shifted to His abode.

 

There are others who are not bold enough or not ready to face the family and society: not ready to leave the place they lived so long: continue to live with the memories of their partner: adore his face, photos, habits, belongings, feel his presence around and pass on the time engaging themselves earning, honorary, or make themselves socially useful. Time the greatest healer sets the routine for them and they live an engaged life provided they have intellectual and physical assets with them.

 

World has changed so are the oldies and their actions and habits. Old age homes for the poor and uncared for are known for many decades. A few poor and relative less oldies move to these charitable old age homes till they receive the invitation from the Lord.

 

The concept of old age homes have changed for those who have the means. Modern concept is five star old age homes with all the facilities, games, theaters, gyms, spa, doctors, five star meals and dinning, pools, morning walks with mates, yoga, fitness exercises, physiotherapy, clean rooms and clothes, think of a facility it is available but for a price. Oldies are the masters of their own show and the fate and they live life without stress some times better than the time they had spent earlier.

 

One of the olden concepts is that the people go to Varanasi in their last days and wait for the orders of the Lord to enter his abode: belief is by doing so and having cremation at Manikarnkia Ghat they would go to heaven and relieved of the cycle of birth and death. We do not know what happens in the Court of the Lord but people do adopt this course also to spend their last days peacefully: one such institution that serves people in this respect is perhaps the Moksha Bhavan run by Birla Group at Varanasi.

 

It is common to see that in old age people many a times turn back to their father’s family-brothers, sisters, their children and still more seniors, if alive. Initially this looks nice for a few days but in the modern age of independence this is not a desirable arrangement on a long term basis- slowly you would become unwanted and uncared-for. You should do something more than this independently.

 

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared-for, forgotten by everybody, I think this is much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.

                                                                           Mother Teresa

 

Problems arise when one is neither physically fit nor financially well off still one wants to live alone independently in his place more so when children do not look after at all. This is stage when compromise with the circumstances and the nature becomes important. One has to bend and the first bend is before your own ego and attitude; leave it aside; do not expect morality from others; it would be more than sufficient if you are not made to realize the circumstances in which you are: if help comes from any quarter accept it with thanks and grace. Try to be as useful part of the system in which you are as possible; understand you potential and carry on.

 

Life without a partner will be different, but it can still be good.

                                                                          Nancy Goldner

 

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side not only down for the good times but also down through the bad times.

                                                                              Will Smith

 

Ill-treatment of elderly by their own family members is not uncommon. This is perhaps prevalent in all parts of the globe in one form or the other for one reason or the other. However, it is painful to see your off-springs showings you the way out of the home built by you for them alone. But that is the fate and the reality too.

 

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, contains some description of “Thalaikoothal” an inhuman tradition. Thalaikoothal is the traditional practice of senicide (killing of the elderly) or involuntary euthanasia, by their own family members, observed in some parts of southern districts of Tamil Nadu state of India. Various methods are stated to be used for performing “Thalaikoothal” although it is illegal in India. Winner of National Award in 2019, Tamil movie Baaram is based on “thalaikoothal”. It is really shocking that a person’s life becomes so irrelevant to the family and society that it is disposed of at the pleasure and for the benefit of others without any regard to the rights of the victim.

 

O Lord you give life to every being,

Infancy is for parents to enjoy,

Childhood is for us to enjoy,

Youth is for learning,

Manhood is to marry and have off-springs,

Thereafter work day and night ceaselessly,

For children their career, marriage and

Still for children of Children,

Time come for the employer to say Goodbye,

One has grown Old and has to retire,

Old age is to relax and enjoy,

But why some oldies are taken as burden,

Why two chapattis a day looks like a ton to many,

Oldies have to come to you one day,

They leave everything here for others,

They leave even their genes,

O Lord Give them peaceful old age,

If not,

Give them peaceful journey to Your Home.