Stress-Free Old-age Home

Stress-Free Old-age Home

An Institution Older than The Man

 

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

                                                                      Mark Twain

 

If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old.

                                                          John Kenneth Galbraith

 

While going to the Banke Bihari Temple dedicated to Lord Krishna Vrindavan - also known as Brindaban, Utter Pradesh, India, to pay obeisance and to have “Darshanas” of the Lord, passing through the streets with Lassi, Puri Chhole,Rabari shops on both sides, we noticed  two white clad old ladies with boy cut grey hair, following us, after some distance we were asked to stop and they requested for help by some cash donation. When checked up it was found that they were widows living in an Ashram away from their loved ones: during our stay it became known that the place is full of such Ashrams where destitute widows pass their last days of life.

 

There are also places in India, where people voluntarily go and stay there in Charitable or paid guest houses in their last days waiting for the final day, so that they are cremated at particular cremation ground-Muktydham-place of salvation as they perceive.

 

In other places some destitute people join “Deras of Sants”, (Residing places of saints).They serve in day to day affairs of the Dera and spend their last days there. Some also go to their Gurus ashrams and live with them taking care of day to day activities of the ashrams during the last steps of journey of life.

 

The greatest cover, for uncared for oldies earlier was, joint family system, which is now dismantling for various reasons. Sometimes even the larger families-father’s brothers, sisters; their children and native villages also helped uncared for people to make both ends meet in the old age.

 

India’s new system to care for oldies is coming up slowly: one of its ingredients is Old-age Homes. Charitable Old-age Homes are now available in almost all the big cities in India, where if space is available one can spend his last days. These are mostly run by private NGOs receiving Funds in cash and kind from the general public as well as from their trustees. Some Old-age Homes are paid also where you have to support your stay. Some Developers have also created five star facilities on paid basis for senior citizens.

 

Measures introduced by Govt include, old age pensions, various other Govt schemes for health care, reverse mortgage by Banks on self-created property etc. Old age pension amount is not sufficient to ensure three full meals a day and reasonable health care; hence the need for second line of support.

 

In India, Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act, 2007 also provides protection in old-age, parents seldom proceed to invoke provisions under this Act.  

 

Anyway once you reach an Old-age Home particularly the charitable one; all the needs including health care are taken care of, by the institution. How to remain happy there. Happiness is the feeling that helps a creature remain bodily healthy and mentally alert. Happiness brings in you the acceptance, gratitude and purpose of life and is the essence of new life in the new home.

 

Perhaps the most important step is to forget the bitter past and forgive those against whom one has any grievance, as they were not aware as to what they were doing and to whom; it is not as easy as said. It is perhaps beyond the capacities of a common man to forget and most of those who reach Old-Age Homes are most common people leaving aside exceptions. One must have strong determination to adopt the new chapter, unless one has that past will continue to pull down the person.

 

Firstly make a daily routine for self: like getting up early morning, after freeing oneself, enjoying a hot cup of tea in the morning mist if possible in open, going to the Lord and sitting before him for a few moments involving from the core, having a morning walk, reading a newspaper and completing other routine. Thereafter enjoy the morning breakfast with co-mates asking cosy niceties making others as comfortable and light as possible. It is almost half the day. One can have any routine the only thing is that you must involve himself in it.

 

Old age normally has health problems; if you have none it is God’s grace. But it you have, take care of yourself, mind it you are one of similar inmates, save going to hospital, take medicine on time, control your diet as per the illness. Unhealthy and irregular diet is a killer in old age, do not allow taste and greed to prevail. It will provide you happiness, ease and comfort to your mates.

 

Listening is a skill which is not taught in any school, it has to be developed, learnt and made part of your day if already not made; it gives happiness to the person who speaks; many of the inmates were never listened; when they spoke they were made to keep quiet, were ill-treated by those whose incoherent words were sweet to their ears. They are longing for someone to listen to them: their stories of grief and thoughts; their needs and necessities. Be a patient listener.

 

 “We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know.”                                                    

                                                                   Carl Rogers

 

An inmate of an old-age home must obliterate from his dictionary the word sympathy which is a formality of the lowest grade and learn what empathy is. He should be empathic towards each of his colleagues all being sailing in the same boat. It makes the other person feel that he is not alone. True empathy requires that you step outside your own emotions to view things entirely from the perspective of the other person.

 

"Learning to stand in somebody else's shoes, to see through their eyes, that's how peace begins.  And it's up to you to make that happen.  Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world."

                                                              Barack Obama

 

“Empathy is a skill like any other human skill. If you get a chance to practice, you can get better at it.”                                           

                                    Professor Simon Baron Cohen

 

Another important aspect is utility; how useful or of service inmates are to one another. Try to be the first, solid, genuine and more than his own people.

 

“If you light a lamp for someone else, it will also brighten your path.”                                                     Buddha

 

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”                    

                                                    Rabindranath Tagore

 

Always feel you are in your own home, as if newly constructed, feel each brick has been laid down by you alone: love and like every coroner of the home: prove your usefulness to the institution, management, other inmates, and surroundings; they would love you and wait for your company.

 

Creativity is novel aspect of human life which was born and given by the Lord as a gift soon life appeared on this planet, to unfold the mysteries of the Universe and the creation itself. All discoveries and inventions relate to this aspect of human life. Always remember this remains alive in every human being till he knocks at the door of the Lord on his return journey. Appreciate creativity, it is sin to criticize, creativity is as He exists in it and it has been there on his nod only. Love those who make out of this privilege. See for yourself; listen the inner voice and be creative with your surroundings, society and self that will give happiness to you and your colleagues.

 

Old-age homes lack many things when compared with the homes the inmates have left behind and still long for. Here we are concerned with physical things only say thread and needle, a small hammer, boot polish brush etc. These things are small: take care to obtain them as and when there is chance to get them and be imaginative e.g. work of thread and needle for short period can be done by a safety pin also. Always remember imagination is infinite; it is not limited by knowledge: resources available are to be made useful for the purpose in view. So be imaginative and use whatever you have.

 

Old-age homes are full of lonely, grim faces, many waiting for someone to come, hug them touch their feet, ask how they are, look into eyes to find out the truth inside; some sit outside looking at the faces of stranger passersby, how to bring laughter to their faces: not easy; no magic available; the only thing which one can do is to keep them engaged in the activity they love and like so that they may swim with the present cool breeze. Whosoever comes in touch with these oldies must try their best to see they laugh-that have remained elusive from them sometimes for decades together. It is HIS SERVICE of the highest order.  

 

Charitable Old-age homes are wonder institutions and serving the society looking after those who allegedly were not looked after well by their own. They look after inmates till the flame finally extinguishes. The quality of life in them depends on the contributions, actions, emotions, thoughts and the emotional climate created by the inmates and the philosophy of trustees. Remember emotional bonds are much stronger than physical bonds. The management can ensure to provide physical facilities to the extent based on their capacity and financial resources. Shortcomings apart, they are the champions of life when keeping soul and flesh together is more difficult in life that too for those who are emotionally negatively charged.