Stress-Free Relations and Relationships Part III Love Relations

 

Stress-Free

Relations and Relationships

Part III

Love Relations

 

“I think the perfection of love is that it's not perfect.”

Taylor Swift

 

Do the love relations cause stress: the thought which is coming to my mind again and again, if love causes stress then nothing can cure it: whether I have selected a wrong topic or the right one: I do not know: only my readers would judge.

 

What is love? Love to me appears to be a desire to talk to someone again and again, you want to sit with him, eat with him, work with him, have him as close as possible, praise him, accept him as he is, meet him as frequently as possible, a liking for his face, manners and the way he talks, wears, his figure, his gait, comes to your mind always, always in thoughts, actions guided not to forget or harm him, have fun with him, he changes you when you are in his company, you wait for him from the time he leaves after meeting and so many other things. Still I feel, it does not define what love is. It is something above that normal. Some say love is a game of life: His grace and benevolence: partners decided before you were sent: you have just to play it.  “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” Ingrid Bergman. “I need you like a heart needs a beat.”  Is that love? I am still doubtful.

 

“The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.”

                                                                         Helen Keller

 

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

                                                                       Maya Angelou

 

Tears a wonderful gift, nature has given to man and to some animals too. Birds and animals do feel grief as well as happiness. Tears are a physical transformation of emotions that rolls out through eyes: the colours and the world to a man. Tears do not always represent grief, no doubt they are more when we are bereaved. Tear of joy many of us have experienced many a times. Tears do roll down when we meet HIM: there are thousands of way to meet Him: many would tell rituals and rites but the best way to meet Him is total surrender from the core of your heart and thank Him sincerely. If there is total surrender and sincere thanks you will find Him standing beside you and in fact in you-YOUR ARE HIM AND HE IS YOU, YOU IS HE. This is a feeling, an experience, expression of benevolence, a purity of soul and depth of the heart. Tears of experience are a pure Love-His Light- White, transparent and solace giving much different from sexuality that makes one light, satisfied, and gives experience of possession, of course, stress free. Those who do not have tears are sans emotions so, of the love greatest and strongest of emotions. They can’t love the pure and transparent; may be great player at lust. Tears may be of grief, sorrow, pain, happiness, separation, divine Darshan  always leave one light and stress free, so whenever they roll, let them as freely as they come out: they are warm, give warmth and leave you cool.

 

Book word meaning of Love is: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties e.g. maternal love for a child: affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests e.g. love for old schoolmates, roommates, teammates: attraction based on sexual desire, affection, beauty and tenderness felt by lovers e.g. after all these years, they are still very much in love with each other.

 

Love yourself, because unless you love yourself you cannot love anybody else. You don't know what love is, if you have not loved yourself. Before you can love yourself you have to know yourself. Slowly get out of the ego, selfishness and realize your real self, love will come on its own. It blossoms in climate of silence – no-mind, no disturbance inside, absolute clarity, peace, silence and satisfaction. If you really want to know love, reach self-realization love will follow.

 

Become alert and aware, and love will come of its own accord, in its own time. Love is a spiritual experience – nothing to do with sexes and nothing to do with bodies, but something to do with the innermost being. First be yourself, know yourself – love will follow. It is a reward from the beyond. Love is a shadow of alertness, of consciousness. Discover Your Consciousness and You Will Find what Love is. Love is a reward that inner happiness and glow, showers on the man and his surroundings. Love is internal that shines and showers others outside.

 

Love is a meeting of two souls, and lust is the meeting of two bodies. Lust is animal; love is divine. But unless you know that you are a soul, you cannot understand what love is. Nobody can tell you what love is, first find your soul: you are not just the body, mind, there is something else hidden behind all this , your real life. And once you become aware of your real life, your being, you will know that the joy of being is so overflowing that one wants to share it with someone who is receptive, someone who is available ready to listen and enjoy with someone who is ready to open his heart. The meeting of two consciousnesses is love.

 

Love is an experience, the meeting of two consciousnesses merging into each other, brings the greatest orgasm the universe allows. But before that, you have to move away from the body, mind, the heart, and reach to your being.

 

Once you have reached to your being, you will find love radiating from you. It is not something to be done by you. Love basically is a State of Being. The real thing is not a relationship but a state; one is not in love but one is love.

 

Love makes no conditions, no ifs, no buts. Love never says, ‘Fulfill these requirements, conditions then I will love you.’ Love is like breathing: when it happens you are simply love. Whosoever comes close to you starts feeling the vibe of love, is rejoiced, happy, peaceful. Love is unconditional giving – but only those are capable of giving who have. Love first has to happen in the deepest core of your being. It is the quality of being alone, happily alone, joyously alone. It is the quality of being a no-mind, of being silent and concentrated.

 

If you are love as explained above there is no question of any stress: hence no need to get rid of it, but to be involved in it more and more the whole life everywhere and all the time.

 

But there are so called modern day love relations that cause stress, develop stress, nurture stress so much that it may lead one to suicidal thought and to even the act it-self.

 

First such relation these days is Live-ins. People may define      live-ins the way they like but I feel live-ins are simply a boy and a girl living together like a husband and a wife without being married, enjoy everything a married couple does including sex, normally without giving birth to any issue, no responsibilities, no conditions and no issues: it is just the convenience of each other for example many people are in live-in, but legally married simply to get a permanent resident status in foreign land early. Most of such relations are need based as soon as the needs of both are satisfied they go their own way leaving behind the relations they had. It is seldom that the needs of both the partners are satisfied and over at the same time, whosoever is left behind is dissatisfied, feels betrayed, is sufferer that cause stress, sometimes depression and a pain of being left alone. It is not love relation, it is the convenience only.  One must realize the reality and people do and thereafter live happily their own way: do not suffer: live with the present: enjoy the circumstances; enjoy the environment: reality is real: thinking is non-existent: choose the right path and move forward: leave the past behind more you live with it, it drags you backward but you want to move forward. This forward backward great tussle only in thought, so refresh them like you do on computer update yourself and move forward.

 

Next important love relation is so called marriage of love more popularly called love marriage. Apart from modern day love-ins, love marriages have been in existence from time immemorial. Normally it is physical sex appeal particularly of female that attracts a male to her, instances of attraction vice versa are also not uncommon. Physical attraction lasts quicker than expected and then starts the life of adjustment, compassion, care, accommodation, duties and responsibilities: there lies the true test of love. Soul to soul is sure to pass this test of responsibilities and duties, lust may face separation, divorce, social stigma: the stress thereof. It is couple that knows where they stand soul to soul or just lust, devoted and dedicated or just like a few nights stand, pleasure or stress is the choice they have to make.

 

Third important love relation is the liking for each other without any motive just to enjoy the company, the talk, the expressions, the experiences wide open-domestic or otherwise, seeking opinions, advice and help at the times of need, away from the eyes of those who may doubt-that prevails more in Indian society. Such relations are normally long lasting as both understand their limits and limitations. They are the source of happiness and give life a motive to enjoy. It is like standing by each other’s side on good days and closer to each other on bad days. Sex as such is missing but a kiss now and then, holding hands, a lovely embrace and a hug are common in these relations after all they are male and female the nature has made, law of attraction prevails but limits are understood. Since these relations are pure, transparent, healthy, sincere and natural human behavior based, stress or depression are missing rather they are stress busters as both feel joy of meeting.

 

"Be a loving person rather than in a love relationship – because relationships happen one day and disappear another day. They are flowers; in the morning they bloom, by the evening they are gone. Be a loving person.”                    

                                                                                     Osho

 

Arranged marriages are the way of life in India: it is marry and then love, our culture and heritage, as opposed to western culture of love and then marry.

 

“In other relationships, people are different entities but in marriage, the couple is considered as one. This is what makes marriage a different kind of bond.”

                                                                 – Mark McGrann

 

Truly speaking in these marriages initially families are involved, a cushion and a time for adjustment.  The continuity of marriage in India as anywhere else is linked with (1) age difference of the couple, (2) beauty of bride, (3) nature of ‘cooperation, compromise and compassion’ on part of partners, (4) dowry in some cases and this is missing in other cases people are happy with their lot, (5) sense of ego, superiority complex of partners (ABCDE of continuity of marriage). More the reasonableness and logic in these factors less are the chances of stress. If these factors are disproportionate, more are the chances of maladjustment and stress: may lead to separation. It takes time to adjust to new environment, circumstances and family and people in India generally try to give each other sufficient time and tolerance. Elders do wait for the first child of the couple the most cementing factor of a marriage. Sacrifice and adjustment is more on the part of the person who shift to the other party e.g. in North East India men shift to his in-laws: so they have to adjust themselves to their life, style, customs and heritage whereas in the rest of India it is other way round. More you adjust more are the chances of a successful marriage. Those who do not leave their parents and their traditions on coming to the in-laws house prompt maladjustment or at least separation from the in-laws family; hence the nuclear families, old age homes and immigrations to foreign unknown lands.   Divorce even now is last resort in India: despite so much talk about equal status for women, men do enjoy slightly higher status in the family barring certain exceptions here and there.

 

“There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.”

                                                                – Ronald Reagan

 

Marriage is a perennial like river it is not a day’s issue it has to be nurtured everyday rather every second. If you do not take care it will dry up leaving parched land like the dry river.  Don’t ever stop dating your wife and don’t ever stop flirting with your husband. In fact,

 

“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.”

                                                             Barbara De Angelis.

 

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

                                                          – Mignon McLaughlin

 

Love relationships arising out of lust physical attraction are treated as immoral in Indian society perhaps in every society as family is a Universal Institution accepted for enjoyment of sex: sexual love outside accepted family norms, between blood relations, even outside your own people are generally not acceptable socially in India barring in some communities wherein your real brother is brother and real sister is sister, however in certain communities marriage between near and dear ones except real brother and sister is most preferred.  Such illegal relations as they are called, in general are the continuous source of stress for both the partners till such relations are terminated as they are secret and not in open and normally partners can’t be marry socially. Fact is majority of the rapes world over are committed by the males known to females and such relations form major part of the rapes.

 

Jetha Lal Babita love of Tarak Mehta Ka Ulta Chasma is an excellent example of meet and greet love and lighter vain sycophancy. Such a love may or may not be known to the other party, it keeps the decency and limits strictly observed; it is just seeing, talking and enjoying. No stress, no lingering feeling, no lust, no emotions and nothing serious, just praise and compliments. This is not in drama, it really happens and this trait people in Punjabi say “Tharak” and the characters like Jetha Lal are called “Tharaki”.

 

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

                                                                                Lao Tzu