Stress Free
Relations and Relationships
Part II
(At Work Place: The Peers)
Langotia yaars - a North Indian slang - the persons who
exchange their langots - three sided cloth under-wears - with each other as a
mark of highest strength of their friendship. Langotia yaars the terminology
used in North India wherever and whenever one has to show the length and the strength
of friendship relations: where criticism is positive and acted upon, always
helpful to through thick and thin, listen to each other, known from childhood,
even studied together, played and other, seen the growing of each other,
families are known to each other, may be neighbours, relatives also blood or
otherwise: such are bonds and are stress-free.
One more terminology
used to is “Potrianto”- a Punjabi
expression of being knowing the other person (from the days of childhood when
one was put on Potra-modern day diaper even now called “Potra” in Punjab). It
means known each other from the day they wore diapers. Obviously there can’t be
anything creating stress between the two.
Peers persons of the same status, a person who is
equal to another in abilities, qualifications, age, background, and social
status: these do not matter much in childhood baring some exceptions, so is the
case with class-mates: being they have to depart at certain stage: activities
largely influenced by parents, guardians and teachers: goals are limited,
specific and time bound: once they depart many are forgotten and never meet again.
The peers at the work place influence most the life and
vocation
as contacts are long enough, so the above equations change in Indian conditions
and also in many other countries as many people spend whole of their life and
career with the same employer or the same profession.
The situations change: as the relations and persons change with the passage of time, environment,
circumstances, needs, situations, hidden greed, selfishness in a corner of
heart, non-specific vengeance-but firm and strong enough, competition and
comparisons. Situation are also created difficult by other persons like family,
boss involved, nuisance value some peers
have and others develop because of their profile, position or just their
nature is like that, sometimes just for nothing not even the fun or joke, etc.
Peers many a times do such things for a reason which
even they do not know e.g. once I was transferred on account of a tiff with
the boss on the question of interpretation of Govt rules and usage: an employee
had been placed under suspension on account of the misconduct of damaging Govt
property under effect of intoxication as
reported by the Security agency to police and noticed by the Court of Law
and official punished with a fine order
copy having been received in office: a charge sheet was required to be issued
to him for a departmental notice and action, boss wanted suspension be revoked immediately
even before charge sheet is issued and I insisted for revocation of suspension after issue of charge sheet, as supported by rules
and interpretation thereof & usage
and I assured that it would be done as
quickly as possible, but boss wanted immediate revocation of suspension
irrespective issue of the charge sheet, provocation was that the employee
concerned had gone to the residence of
the boss with his wife and children perhaps pleading that they are poor people
and have little financial resources to bent upon. When I insisted for rules he
considered it prudent to shift me to some other portfolio instead of going as
per the rules and also decided the substitute to be brought in my place. I
could make out easily the likely substitute. I told my likely successor about
he being replacing me, even before official orders were issued and also that he
should be ready to take over in my place; he was shocked but appeared willing
to take up the new assignment and was excited. When I reached home and my wife
told: “gone to new assignment” I was shocked for some time, how does she came
to know: the question that struck my mind then, when checked up my partner told,
my substitute had given a ring to her before I could reach home. It stressed me
for a while; till date I have not been able to understand; why he was the first
to convey to my wife about my transfer perhaps just for a surprise-pleasant or
otherwise, for my wife and me I do not know; perhaps just out of excitement, I
am sure, he was also not aware of why he did it, as whatever happened was a
sidelight to transfer along with many others like one of my subordinate with so
many God-fathers felt relieved on my transfer.
Nuisance-a person or thing causing inconvenience or
annoyance
– some persons are gifted by nature, their character possesses this wonderful quality-they
develop it further from annoyance to harm causing and then exploit it for their
benefit: there are others who develop it
by the strength of their profile in office and then milk, squeeze others to
their advantage. Such persons are many. There is still another category who by
nature and their profile are good but seeing others taking advantage develop a
novel approach. They keep a special ear on the mistakes and lapses committed by
others, maintain record person-wise and then use when appropriate occasion
arises. They maintain a low profile, normally very courteous, but are most
dangerous because their nuisance value is record and evidence based and
sometimes they dictate the advantage they want.
Projection of time, task and profile to the higher up to
gain in the
career progression is the normal activity of all employees: Time and energy
should not only be spent to perform excellent but it should look having been
performed so; essential to get the due. Some are able to project more, some
less and other do not like to project and believe that their work and labour
would speak for itself. There are still others who while doing so, present
their co-workers in negative light which, now and then spoil the advantage due
to such co-workers.
They are the curse. Although
spirituality say nobody has benefitted by damaging other; there is always a
possibility somebody taking uttering of such peers at face value. How to save oneself from such situations. One
should be alert always, and when occasion arises the habit of such peers should
be crushed with a heavy hand, many would understand that language; others who
do not improve increase your power of projection and if still not a gainer tit
for tat that too before the one who matters. It is question of safe guarding
one’s one interest and the dues.
Competition and comparisons are the two tools which management uses to
keep the work force motivated to achieve organizational goals: to this extent
it is a healthy practice and also an instrument to prompt the employees to
develop their faculties and advance in career. When workers use these tools themselves
to keep the other person down, it is demotivating. Here manager’s role comes
into play - it is his duty to ensure that an employee does not get less than
what is due to him in career progression and otherwise and he should develop
the confidence of such slightly low confident worker. Some managers don’t
bother. It is basically a matter of self-esteem in the workers. Those who are
full of self-esteem seldom fail in competitions and comparisons who those who
have no self-esteem suffer and they have to correct it themselves.
Vengeance a very powerful word in the dictionary of
human behavior.
Some people, even office peers, are born with vengeance against one and all,
negatively charged without any specific reason. Smallest cause or your thought,
even if it does not hurt them, turns them against you. Occasionally it appears
as if it is their hobby and a character trait. It is their nature, they want to dominate, they
are aggressive, it is the bye-product of superiority complex nurtured by them,
given water and fertilizer by their contacts and relations for one reason or
the other, their god-fathers like marriage relations of husband-wife,
father-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, family at work place and other
formal and informal relations and being at higher and could be effective
positions nurture this trait in their God-Children. It can also be argued that
too protective cover by God-fathers embolden God-children to be haughty and
snobbish-reflection of vengeance. Another source of this trait is employees hand
in glove with their bosses in unethical financial and other activities; as it
provides cover of anonymity to such bosses. Since secrets are with such
employees their bosses protect them with all the power at command and provide
unpierceable cover; bosses perhaps afraid of secrets with loved subordinates. This
works worst for others, system and the God children sometimes also. The
protective cover they receive works sadly against others particularly the peers,
subordinates, vulnerable
and weak-minded. Such people protected people create a cartel also in work
place to corner benefits for its beneficiaries and while doing so they scoop
too low which others just can’t imagine.
One way to deal with
such employees is to skip them: never ask for any favour from them as it always
comes with a hidden price their norms to help others and thirdly is to work
against them in anonymity in the areas related to someone else and the benefit
apparently accrues to someone else not directly to you: one has to keep himself
safe from these sharks as their nets are at far off places and too tight also.
One has to be cleverer than the sharks. Sometimes
a man learns it too late.
Show off in office, “I matter”, “Boasters of Links with
higher up”, “Dramatic representation” “creation of emotional scenes” trait of many,
even if, in lower or inconsequential positions, creates stress for peers and
their juniors. They are not the persons who matter and those who matter are men
of wisdom, prudence, information, update and reality. Take them on their
intrinsic value not on face value as it is too flat and hollow, otherwise you
will find yourself lost in their unreal and vocal web. Be sensible but not
sensitive to their utterings, as they and their utterings are very near to
false rather false and like water bubbles. Avoid them as they are very vocal
and would provoke you for unhealthy situations. Listen them and act to the extent
of real contents only.
Sycophant-someone who praises powerful or rich people
in a way that is not sincere, usually in order to get some advantage from himself:
one would find many in any work situation. Some have this trait built in their
character and others develop it seeing others reaping some minor undue
advantages. Some limit their activities to only personal benefits, they are
meet and greet, submissive, polite and polished; seldom in controversies; not
dangerous to others people.
Once I had one with
me: when time to write confidential report came: in my anxiety not to be
embarrassed for additions etc. later on:
gave him the form and told that he can get it drafted from anybody he
like and that would just be signed by me as reporting officer. As soon as I
uttered these words he stood up from his seat, tears were rolling down from his
cheeks and said “Sir, don’t think I will take his support, not for such things,
Sir. I would accept whatever grading you give and if you give me adverse report
I would never represent against the adverse entry.” I was just astonished and
that established lifelong relations between both of us. Now he is serving the
Almighty in his Heaven. Remembrance and Salute my dear. RIP
There is another
class, very thick with boss: ready to do anything for the boss and boss going
to any extent to benefit them. The behavior
of such sycophants is a source of trouble for others: they down grade others
and put them in disadvantageous position. Such persons are to be dealt with
wisdom, intelligence and without being coming in open: may be distant handling
for as if somebody else is doing and interested above all be watchful always.
Comparison is another source of stress among the persons
of same status working together under a boss. Here the individual must realize his
critical status: his seniority, profile, working style, skill & experience,
his sense of responsibility, his learning skills, dependence, trustworthiness,
recognition of these factors by the men who matter and also X factors. This
will help to make a competition realistic than the emotional one; a great
factor to remain stress free.
Competition amongst peers: to move forward
fasters than others: a natural instinct among all human beings: another source
of stress among peers: the quality which brings out the winner, worker and the
boss from a man. Assess your-self first of all as critically and as sincerely
one can: particularly your weaknesses and threats: fears: aspirations-how you
are equipped to reach them: aims and objectives-make a solid and realistic
assessment: that will help you reach faster and remain busy always and stress
free. Never adopt short-cuts to move forward: as they are sweet, quick, fruitful
instantly: last as quickly as they come with an irreparable damage to career
and person. Move forward with firm foot, do not jump in the wet clay. Let
deserving prevail: may not be easy but would keep one stress free and at peace.
How to remain free from peer stress, pressure,
coercion, arm twist and so on: and to turn peers your into Langotias: aim of
every person in an organization. The key is simple, firm, easy and fruitful: that is the strength of one’s character,
will and power to do, determination and decision making.
The word “No” is
most effective expression but it needs courage, strength of character and
conviction to say “No”: a wonderful word which is more powerful than thousand
of the words and sentences: its meaning is complete and unambiguous, no
interpretations, clarifications, explanations, deeds or action needed: No means
No: nothing more nothing less. Learn the
art of saying “NO” at appropriate time: be stress-free AND HAPPY.
In addition, recognize from the core of your heart the
work you are employed for: do it sincerely; love what you do for your
livelihood, always do justice with it, be punctual, establish a rapport with your
job and the boss: take care of your tasks small and unimportant, know about
colleagues’ job, take responsibility, be trustworthy, perform and deliver, take
upon yourself when others fail, have the power to keep secrets: your
self-respect, and self-image to a point where people won’t even ask you to do
low-level stuff, develop self-esteem known to all. In short distinguish a
worker, a peer, an employee in yourself from each other.
Find people with a positive attitude bubbling with
enthusiasm and determination: Stay close to them: bring positive
pressure in the group you are already in. Inspire people around to put efforts
into personal excellence dear to every individual and be empathetic to their
problems. Those already victims of negative peer pressure, make them feel
accepted.
No envy! Once you set yourself in a positive peer group:
you start to soar, keep up the spirit. Keep challenging yourself. By doing
that, you’d contribute to the positive peer pressure. Never compare with
others: no jealousy. Encourage peers
no matter what: people will excel in their individual lives and would bring
momentum to the group. Foster a healthy competitive spirit in the group. Positive peer pressure is just like team
work, except that here, each one works on his/her own personal excellence
and the success in turn provides the fuel for further advance.
“To look at the work of your peers, and learn how to
explain with kindness and precision, the nature of their mistakes is, in fact,
how you learn to diagnose your own work.”
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