Stress Of Sending
Grandson To Hostel
“People usually are
the happiest at home.”
William Shakespeare
To be in your
children’s memories tomorrow,
you have to be in
their lives today.
Barbara Johnson
It was cold winter evening perhaps of December of 1993
at about 10.00 PM, we were about to sleep, when my wife told that she wants to
talk to our son who was in Hostel at Tatya Sahib Kore Institute of Engineering
and Technology, TKIET, as it is popularly called, Warnanagar, Kolhapur Distt,
Maharashtra, doing his B.E.(Electronics): no mobile: no laptops: no SMS: no
messenger: no landline in room or nearby: phone was available to students session-wise
for limited period with the gate man of the hostel, its time was over: nothing
could be done: told wife just to sleep and would give ring to him the next day.
Something terrible: she was not ready to listen, saying again and again to do
something: problem was not at our end as we were having a landline at our home
in Delhi: problem was how to contact him in his hostel room. I was also
slightly depressed what to do and what not to do. I gathered courage, thought
of giving a tinkle to the Principal who was also staying in the same campus:
Shri S. S. Santpur a very simple and humble personality but very strict
disciplinarian perhaps that was need of the hour and part of the
responsibilities of a Principal but an asset to all parents particularly those like
us whose wards were studying far away from home. We decided to give Shri
Santpur a ring: as soon as the bell at the other side rang it was picked up by
Shri Santpur himself: I was little surprised and afraid too: he might refuse
the request. Anyway I briefly introduced myself and simply said, “Sir, I have
an emotional problem, my wife talks to her son.” He was too quick to understand
and replied, “Give ring after 10 minutes: a mother would be talking to her
son.” We were too pleased. Subsequently I came know from my son that Shri
Santpur himself went to “Jawahar Hostel” at that hour of night and knocked at
the door of room where my son was staying. He and his roommate were surprised and
afraid also to see the Principal Sir, at the door at that hour. He simply told
my son to accompany him and took him to his residence. He made him to sit
before the landline and Sir further said, “Whenever it rings pick up the
receiver.” As soon as my wife gave the ring after ten minutes it was picked up
by our son and we were talking to him: mother and the son talked for a long
time. What a solace, satisfaction and peace it gave to my wife: I can’t
explain; thereafter she slept with peace and soon was snoring as if she had got
the best of her life. How much we were grateful to Shri Santpur: all the words
fell short: how much emotional wealth it give to us can’t be assessed. Long
Live The Principal Shri S.S. Santpur: May God continue to bless Sir, with
health, wealth and happiness.
Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an
opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.
Matt Walsh
Children when go out
for the first time to the University: is a measure of success and that you have
prepared them for such a journey: it is credit to both parents and children too.
It is an aim fulfilled and start of another journey to prepare for a career in
life. It immediately creates a physical void: loneliness in home and is often cured
with self-consoling by parents that this
is for welfare and career of the child.
Another void is when
the children after education decide to settle abroad for a career. In this era
of family planning, when parents have two children, mostly one boy and one
girl; they become absolutely lonely and that too in old age when they need
company most, Whatsapp and video calls can’t fill up the gap; then the concept
of family loses meaning in Indian context where even now children stay with
their parents even when married. If parents are ailing, no way out have to
depend on others may be paid or otherwise or move to the Old Age Home paid or
charitable to live among the strangers mostly in the mess.
Child while joining
Hostel also feels loneliness but this is taken care by his age, new
environment, aim in life, studies, his curiosity to gather, a feeling that
somebody is making a sacrifice for him to be here, his attitude and how he
handles his exposure where he will have to decide everything himself: without parental
care and decision making, and he would be meeting many new things and concept
of having new is a universal killer of loneliness and stress. In fact, both the
child and parents have to face the new environment, circumstances and realities.
Parents have long
list of apprehensions and fears too: whether he would eating right and regular,
whether sleeping in time, may not be in bad company and adopted bad habits, is
he physically fit, is he doing his assignments, has he adjusted to new
environment, circumstances, way of life under the eyes of warden and others
disciplinarians who were unknown till a day before, are peers co-operative etc.
Now it is test of strength of character and values the child has inherited and of
endurance of the parent’s capacity in many testing ways.
Parents have a great
responsibility to keep the child in the shadow of their love and affection and
to keep him attached to the family: a great challenge in era of attractions,
distractions, information technology, internet, electronics and fast
communication. In my first innings, the means of communication were neither
easy nor fast, so we never left a chance unavailed to talk to him: his mother
had made a routine to write to him a letter every day and the local Postman was
kind enough to deliver the letters promptly rather out of way, at odd hours
beyond office hour simply because he acknowledged that the boy belonged to
postal family, myself being an officer in the Postal Headquarters and had
introduced my son to the local Postmaster and the beat Postman.
Another cover that
was a gift to us by Lord, were the relations we had developed with one of the
Professors at the college; who despite being not teaching him took every care
of my son and we are still continuing those relations even after 28 years of
first meeting. This was of great help through thick and thin to my son and to all
those whom we sent subsequently to that Institute.
The strongest of
bonds with the family was devotion of my son to his studies: practicals, viva and assignments that kept him
engaged: the result was no supplementaries or “supplies” – as that was called
by students at that time: it was all clear eighth semester B.E completed a
satisfaction of the goal having been secured.
Another matter that
kept my son near to his studies was that we had created in him an urge for MBA.
BE MBA was the most paying combination at that time and we were successful when
he took admission in MBA at Pune University and cleared the same in four
compulsory semesters.
Discipline enforced
by the Institute was another feather that kept the students away from
indiscipline and irregular habits. College contact numbers were freely
available with nearby establishments and they were free to report to the
Principal misadventures of the students. This made the students to behave in
more responsible manner while being away from the Institute and helped them to
accomplish for what they were away from home.
“Discipline is the bridge between goals and
accomplishment.”
–
Jim Rohn
He was encouraged to
come home on every vacation, although travelling was not comfortable rather it
was strenuous because of the size of our pocket and we full family of three also
visited him as and when the occasion demanded. Whenever we visited him made a
point to meet all his professors and kept a personal touch with them always.
Homemade sweets and
Dhoda sent to him always kept him with
the family at home in Delhi. Another item which became prominent during that
period were jeans from Tank Road, Delhi: perhaps these were purchased and sent
for his friends also on couple of occasions. Books that were not available
there were also sent from Nai Sarak Delhi. In fact, we tried to encash every
opportunity to remain near the child.
Now it is my second
inning with slightly less tension as of now have my son to take care of all the
things except my emotional ones. The Lord has been very gracious to the family
in wealth, health and happiness. My grandson is devoted to studies, is
vegetarian and takes care of his health being a regular at gym, a person who
likes to remain at home, engaged with internet purposefully and interested in meta-physics.
In fact hostel life
is an experience, to gather which is essential and to throw away what is not
required; a place of learning from life and its practicals much above the
degree and books the immediate task; use of discerning gems and junk sense:
time to learn decision making-its canons practically; a period to observe and
adopt. It is period to learn the principle of self-denial a gem in character
building and exhibiting it. Routine in life is essential for those who care for
it and it is meaningless for those who do not adopt it. Hostel provides an
opportunity to adopt a meaningful routine of one’s will, a gem of one’s
character and a foundation stone of success in life. Time management is another
jewel which has to be picked up from hostel life, made a garland and worn lifelong.
Hostel
life is great gift of parents and the Lord that one gets an opportunity to
spend some time in the Hostel.
“Self-respect is
the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no
to oneself.”
– Abraham Joshua Heschel
A few hostellers
misinterpret the freedom from family environment; that is miscalculation: it is
period to learn to talk to your conscience the ultimate teacher, guide and philosopher
that gives right direction and decision for every issue. Another thing which is
important is: parents are always watching: not possible physically: intuition
and supernatural communications are much faster and accurate than the internet
and telecommunication. They would come to know as soon as you are on the wrong
path or in trouble. So while in the hostel be your own teacher and guide on the
right path. Morning in a hostel usually begins with a lie but do not do it to
your own self: that is worst. In fact,
it is period of learning:
“What lies in our power to do, lies in our power not to
do.”
– Aristotle
India was the first
country in the world that introduced Hostel system in education even when the
civilization in terms of modern concept was in primitive stage: the Gurukul: a
residential schooling system that dates back to around 5000 BC in the Indian
sub-continent: was more prevalent during the Vedic age where students were
taught various subjects and about how to live a cultured and disciplined life: where
both students and Gurus: the teachers: professors: principals lived in the same
campus; had food in the same kitchen: students were taught in the same campus:
where students built strong bonds with the teachers who were fully devoted to
their cause: where best of Gurus were available. They also develop strong bonds
with peers. In fact, at one stage going to Gurukul meant joining the “Kul” that
is family of “Guru”.
Even now basic
concepts are the same except that previously it was more for the Gurus to
polish the students to make them more than the teachers and perfect: now it is
for the students how they get themselves chiseled and polished to become
diamonds of highest carat: this change is because of the journey of thought.
Hostel life is the
best life
Which change our
life style
We start the new
life here
We make new friends
We enjoy the little
things in our life
For one day we will
look back
And realize that
they were the best things ever
Happened in our life
Ananya Bihari
In Hostel collect
gems, jewels, and pearls from your life to distribute free to others.
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