Stress and Joy of Social Isolation
A person is a person through other
persons;
you can't be human in isolation;
you are human only in relationships.
Desmond Tutu
We
had kept a night watchman from 10.00 PM to 07.00 AM for our street on
contributory basis and all of us somehow or the other were Govt. employees
almost of similar financial income and other sources too and everybody was
having a house of one hundred fifty square yards and two children with the
exception of one or two of us. Most of the houses were single storey occupied
by the owners themselves, with one or two having tenants also. Everybody’s
children were still studying in schools. All children were unmarried except
that of one family that was senior most
among us all. At that time, street was just like a close knit family and
particularly seen on two occasion - the New Year eve and Lohri a festival of
bonfires all over on a fixed date in the month of January when it is winter
extreme in north India. All used to celebrate collectively by a contribution –
New Year eve used to be a really good family get together with dinner both
vegetarian and non-vegetarian dishes and drinks both soft and hard with best of
the snacks, everybody participated, even in cooking and serving, with the
exception of a few. They simply said that they do not like those get -
togethers. There were other small occasions also like Holi – the festival of
colours, celebrated without any contribution but even then they never
participated, they remained aloof practically confined to their dwelling.
Possibility that they were suffering from superiority complex cannot be ruled
out nor that they were perhaps too miserly. They enjoyed their isolation and resources too.
I feel it was not enjoying the solitude, perhaps they never knew the difference
between the isolation and the solitude. In addition, they seldom wished anybody
not to talk of being the first in this respect. They never paid their
contribution which was very nominal at that time, even for the watchman and for
other community purposes and whenever others went to collect their share of
contribution they simply said they do not need a watchman and many of the
persons managing the affairs of the night watchman felt offended but it made
little difference to these families.
"There
is a difference between solitude and isolation. One is connected and one isn't.
Solitude replenishes, isolation diminishes."
Henry Cloud
Time
passed everybody superannuated by and by; children settled, some within the
country others abroad, some in the same city and some far away, some with
parents others away from parents but everybody settled nobody went astray - although
a few were not earning much but they were happy with their lot and some
children were earning a lot: time to slow down in life began; time to find
company; time to spend time; time to give back to the society and nature and reduce
hunger for wealth, time to be composed and away from the vices. In a few years some
of our community members were called by the Lord to His abode. In short, the
time for lesser involvement and lesser of everything began.
However,
a few of us started journey a different - to amass wealth and one way that
became handy was converting their plots into fifty feet high mansions of four
floor with a view to get it built without spending anything – that is giving
one floor to the builder who would build the whole building without taking
anything from the owner and would sell his share. Mansion was completed and they
shifted to their floor, the builder also sold his floor and moved away not to be seen thereafter. Other two floors were
either sold or given to children or occupied by others for a rent.
These
mansions have adopted a new pattern of numbering the floors and people living in
them take pride even in their floor numbers, the new numbers are: Parking is
parking, first floor is upper ground,
second is first floor, third floor is numbered as second floor, and highest as
the third floor in these mansions. Some have the basement and barsati too in
addition the highest point having water tanks, and still higher are the boosters
for better mobile signals as so many floors have weakened mobile signals all
overs.
Thus
sometimes strangers moved to these floors from unknown places without any
background being known to each other; only consideration was they had paid the
money; some felt hurt being charged more and cheated and others felt happy
being purchased cheap and thanked their wisdom: nobody knew what was cheap and
what was dear only thing was money paid. So many a times no feels of sympathy,
empathy, consideration, kindness, cooperation were are seen between the
occupants of such floors. Many a time occupants were not aware even of the
existence of the other.
Those
who had enjoyed isolation in their hey days and were still living in social
isolation: had grown old and feeble both physically and mentally, living alone
without any relation, daughters having been married away and sons having
settled abroad or moved away. Such persons sometimes came face to face with the
hard and harsh realities of life: e.g. need to talk to somebody on personal
matters that were pricking their conscience and creating stress constantly,
since nobody had ever been taken into confidence or heard patiently earlier and
this only lead to more stress day by day. They were finding it difficult even
to find a person who would give his time and energy in addition to sometimes
listening adverse comments from their own family for having listened to those
who never bothered about anybody in the community.
Sometimes
these lovers of social isolation come in contact with ticklish issues with the
other occupants of the floors or others which prick them day and night rather
every minute. They do not want to approach police authorities, Court of Law,
residents’ welfare association as they are not members simply because they do
not pay monthly contribution, neighbours’ from whom they have always kept
distance and played blame games, social NGOs as they ask so many questions to
reach at the crux of the problem which they have seldom replied and other
forums of dispute settlement. What to do? They become a helpless lot, sometimes
ill mentally and then physically with loss of general level of confidence
necessary for day today living, weakness appears on their face and talk.
Many
a times such persons fall ill, sometimes terminally, in addition to suffering
from life style chronic diseases like hypertension, diabetes etc, they are
unable to move the Doctor. What a pathetic situation and life, where only
isolation prevails in every corner of the home and life too. Why such a
situation arises, reason appears to be that in addition to isolation, they
never indulged in celebrations like birthdays, anniversaries and religious
activities like free kitchen, chanting for the Lord, distribution of weekly
Prasad; that makes one known to a specified audience and gives one a chance to
intermingle. A few of them were never seen in the morning or evening walk in
the neighborhood park. They remained
aloof, never invited anybody, so relations are relations only, no intimacy with
anybody, no person taken in confidence.
How
the society should respond to such situations when a request or a distress call
is received from such aloofers? In view of their previous conduct, immediate
and normal response would be that of avoidance, tit for tat, paying back in the
same coin. That would be negative response. In fact, it is their reputation and
the facts that have travelled fast, far and near, during the last so many years
may be so many decades that has prompted
such a response.
However,
aloofers are part of the society and such aloofers can be at one’s home
also: secondly they are old and old-age
has problems; for some these are more and for others they are less. Human
society has always kept humanity above everything. We have to be with the glorious
traditions of mankind like charity, cooperation, community help in disaster, free
kitchen, compassion, liberty, morality, truth, help etc. Positive behavior of
the society can possibly bring a change in the dealings and behavior of such
aloofers and possibly they may become part of the main stream in the time to
come. Society in general and neighbours in particular have a moral
responsibility toward such misfits. So all
the terminal issues like death, theft, heart attack, fire or other emergencies,
etc. when contacted for, must be responded to, positively and effectively by
the neighbours as they are nearer than others including the paid services,
social NGOs and of course the relatives and Government agencies.
Other
issues like payment of bills, going to the Doctor, purchase of groceries - the
happenings in day to day life etc. must firstly be taken care of by the
aloofers themselves in this era of online services and supplies and where they
fail to achieve, society must help.
At
present, many Govt. and social organizations and NGOs provide free services
when in distress so such aloofers must keep a track of such services so that
they are useful to them in leading a normal life.
Society,
a group of persons, is present when a one is born and similar group is there
when one leaves this planet then why to discard them in between be a part of it
and be the useful one.
The
happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others.
Gordon B. Hinckley
"I
wish to do something Great and Wonderful, but I must start by doing the little
things like they were Great and Wonderful."
-Albert Einstein
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